*IS AND HAS BEEN* An Englishman went into a restaurant in a New England town and was served for his first course with a delicacy unknown to him. So he asked the waiter what it was and the waiter replied: "It’s bean soup, sir." Upon this the Englishman rejoined in high dudgeon, "I don’t care what it’s been, I want to know what it is." *THE COMPENSATION OF LIFE* Bridget and Pat were sitting on a sofa reading an article on "The Laws of Compensation." "Just fancy," exclaimed Bridget, "accordin’ to this, whin a mon loses wan av ’s sinses another gits more developed. For instance, a bloind mon gits more sinse av hearin’ an’ touch, an’----" "Shure an’ it’s quite thrue," answered Pat, "Oi’ve noticed it mesilf. Whin a mon has wan leg shorter than the other, begorre the other’s longer." *IN THE SLEEPING CITY* A young New Yorker was in Philadelphia recently to call upon a few friends, expecting to return to New York on a midnight train. Being detained longer than he had expected, he determined to remain in the city all night. When he had been told in four different first class hotels that there was no room to be had he began to despair, but at the fifth he was more successful. "Not until tonight," he remarked to the clerk at the hotel where he was finally accommodated, "did I put any stock in the saying that Philadelphia is a great place to sleep in; but it must be, seeing that people come here to pay hotel rates for the privilege." *A NATURAL CONCLUSION* A bad little boy who lives in a suburb of the city crawled under the bed the other day when his mother wanted to punish him. She could not get him out without considerable difficulty and consequently decided to let him remain there until his father returned in the evening from the city. When the father arrived and was told of the trouble, he started to crawl under the bed to bring out the disobedient child, but was very much astonished when the little fellow called out, "Hello, is she after you, too?" *HIS APOLOGY* There was an old judge in Pennsylvania whose decisions, in consequence of numerous reversals, did not always command universal respect. One day in a case on which he was sitting, one of the lawyers lost patience at his inability to see things in a certain light and, in the heat of the moment, remarked that the intellect of the Court was so dark that a flash of lightning could not penetrate it. For this contempt, the judge demanded a public apology. The following day the lawyer accordingly appeared before his honor and made amends by saying: "I regret very much that I said the intellect of the Court was so dark lightning could not penetrate it. I guess it could. It is a very penetrating thing." *ALWAYS WANTED THE BEST*