A city official was one of a party which attended the funeral of a Chinaman. He exhibited a great deal of interest in the curious services at the grave, and noticed that, among other things, a roasted duck was left there by the departing mourners. Calling one of the Chinamen aside, he asked: "Why did you leave that duck on the grave? Do you think the dead man will come out and eat it?" "Yeppee," replied the laundry-man, "alle samee as le white deadee man come out and smellee flowlers." *A PERSUASIVE LAWYER* A man in North Carolina was saved from conviction for horse stealing by the powerful plea of his lawyer. After his acquittal by the jury the lawyer asked: "Honor bright, now, Bill, you did steal that horse, didn’t you?" "Now look a here, judge," was the reply, "I allers did think I stole that horse, but since I heard your speech to that ’ere jury, I’ll be doggoned if I ain’t got my doubts about it." *NO HESITATION* A burly, broad-shouldered man passed through the gates at the Central station a few days ago and hurried with his two solid-looking suit cases toward a Pullman porter who stood stiffly and erect beside the steps of a parlor car attached to the train. The passenger who was long on suit cases but short on breath asked the proud-looking porter: "Does this train stop at Rahway?" "No, sah," replied the negro in a superior manner. "This train do not stop at Rahway, sah, it do not even hesitate at Rahway." BARBARIC An elderly Quaker gentleman, riding a carriage with a fashionable girl decked with a profusion of jewelry, heard her complaining of the cold. Shivering, in her lace gown and shawl as light as a cobweb, she exclaimed: "What shall I do to get warm?" "I really don’t know," replied the Quaker solemnly, "unless thee should put on another breastpin." *ABSENCE OF MIND* A devout and religious man is the clergyman of a parish not twenty miles south of Chicago. His congregation was somewhat amused at the singularity of one of his announcements one evening recently, which was as follows: "Remember our communion services next Sunday forenoon. The Lord will be with us during the morning service and the Bishop in the evening." *WAITING FOR A FRIEND* In one of our large department stores an obliging salesman had taken every roll of cloth but one from the shelves to show to a persistent woman. The last roll was on the top shelf. "You needn’t bother any more," she replied to the weary clerk who was about to reach for the remaining roll, "I was simply waiting for a friend." "Madam," said the clerk, "if you think she’s in the last roll, I’ll gladly get it down for you." *A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE*