The benevolent old gentleman got on the wall and for the next quarter of an hour tried hard to dispel his ignorance. "Now," he said at last, "as you know something about the matter, I hope you will spread your knowledge among your mates on the farm." "But I don’t work on a farm," replied the rural citizen. "Where, then, may I ask?" "Me and my mates are telegraph linesmen and we are testing a new wire." *KNEW HOW TO GET IT* A prominent New Yorker has a wife who is a model of all the domestic virtues. Among her accomplishments is a talent for bread-making and she naturally takes great pride in having her loaves turn out well. One evening after setting her bread as usual, her eight-year-old son came running up-stairs crying, "Mamma, mamma, a mouse has jumped into your bread pan!" The good woman was much perturbed. "Did you take him out?" she asked. "No’m, but I did just as well. I threw the cat in, an’ she’s diggin’ after him to beat the band!" *STILL LOST* Sir C. Purdon Clarke, during his New York visit, often went to the Metropolitan Museum unaccompanied, and walked homeward through Central Park. One afternoon, near the Obelisk, he saw a scantily clad woman crying, and spoke to her. "I want to go to the Brooklyn bridge," she explained, "and I’ve lost my way." Unaccustomed to New York street mendicants, the London art enthusiast supplied sympathy, directions as to route, and a liberal allowance of car fare. Three days afterward he was stopped by the same woman, who again wanted to go to the Brooklyn bridge. "Goodness gracious!" exclaimed Sir Purdon, "haven’t you got to the bridge yet?" *A STORY OF LLOYD OSBORNE* Lloyd Osborne, kinsman and collaborator of Robert Louis Stevenson, called on the cashier of a leading magazine one day, after vainly writing several times for a check due him. "I am sorry," explained the cashier, "but Colonel So-and-So who always signs our checks, is confined at home with the gout." "But, my dear man," expostulated the author-collector, "does he sign them with his feet?" *DIDN’T MIND* "I suppose, Jerry," said the eminent statesman, looking through his pocket-book for a new dollar bill, "like a lot of other folks nowadays, you would rather have clean money?" "Oh, that’s all right, Senator," said the cabman. "I don’t care how you made your money." *NOT UP-TO-DATE* Thomas A. Edison is very fond of children. While on a visit recently he was endeavoring to amuse the son of the host, when the youngster asked him to draw an engine. Mr. Edison promptly set to work, and, thinking it would please the child, he added a couple of extra smokestacks and several imaginary parts. When the plan was completed the boy eyed it critically; then he turned to the inventor with disapproval in every feature.