It had long been the custom of a certain Vassar professor to call on the young ladies at recitations in alphabetical order, and it did not take the girls long to figure out just when their turns would come, and neglect or prepare the lessons, accordingly. After years of this system the professor was grieved to find out how the young Portias were taking advantage of him. He chided the girls severely, adding: "Since you are not to be trusted, I shall fool you by abolishing the old method. Hereafter I shall begin at the end of the alphabet and go backward." *WANTED TO DRESS LIKE THE OTHERS* Little Elizabeth was allowed to stand on the landing and feast her eyes on the handsome women in evening dress at her mother’s party. Presently she beckoned to her mother and anxiously asked: "Mother, may I take off my guimpe?" "Mercy, no," said her mother; "it is the middle of winter and you would take your death of cold." "Well," said the child, regretfully, "look there; nearly all the ladies have theirs off." *EVENING UP ACCOUNTS* During the South African War, letters sent home by British soldiers had to pass through the hands of a censor. A certain private had sent four or five letters home, and portions had been obliterated by the censor and were therefore illegible on their arrival at their destination. He decided to even accounts with the censor, and at the foot of the next letter he wrote: "Please look under the stamp." At the censor’s office the letter was opened and read as usual. The officer in charge spent some time in steaming the stamp from the envelope, but his feelings can be better imagined than described when he read these words: "Was it hard to get off?" *WALKER BLAINE’S ADVICE* In the days of the old University Club at Washington, there was a certain objectionable person who had succeeded in gaining admission to the club, in spite of its exclusiveness. One day this vulgarian became extremely noisy in the card-room; so much so that a certain indignant member of the club blurted out: "See here! If you’ll resign from this organization I’ll give you five hundred dollars." The objectionable person left the room in high dudgeon. Chancing to meet on the stairway Walker Blaine, the son of the then Secretary of State, the aggrieved man related the incident, adding: "Now what shall I do about this?" "I would advise you to stand pat," replied Mr. Blaine. "I think he will make it a thousand dollars." *THE CANNY SCOT* In an English railway compartment two travelers were seated--an American and a keen-eyed old Scotchman. When the guard came to take up their tickets, the latter had great difficulty in locating his. He kept the official waiting so long, while he rummaged through his many pockets, that the ticket taker went on his way, saying that he would come back to find out the result of the search.