When the guard had gone the American saw the lost piece of cardboard protruding from the old fellow’s mouth and promptly notified its owner, thinking it a case of absent-mindedness. Whereupon the wily Scot rejoined: "Don’t you think I know it? But the ticket’s a month old, and I’m a-suckin’ off the date." *HER "KISMET"* A fashionable woman had a bit of statuary bearing the inscription "Kismet." A housemaid dusting the room asked the mistress: "Shure, m’am, what’s the m’anin’ of the ’ritin’ on the bottom of this?" "Oh, you mean ’Kismet.’ It means ’fate,’" replied the mistress. Bridget was limping painfully when out with her sweetheart not long afterward, and he asked: "What’s the matter, Bridget?" "Faith," was the answer, "I have the most terrible corns on me kismet." *GOOD REASON* Representative Adamson, of Georgia, says that when he was judge of his county court a fellow was before him charged with having stolen a pair of pantaloons--they call them "britches" in Georgia. There were several witnesses, but the evidence was rather meagre, and the accused was acquitted. He was told that he could go, but he remained in his seat. His lawyer, to whose successful defense he owed his liberty, hinted to him that he was free to depart, but he didn’t budge. "I don’t want to go," said the fellow. "And why?" asked the lawyer. "Let the witnesses go first." "Why?" "Why, sir, I’ve got on the ’britches’ I stole." *WISE CHILD* Down at the seashore small Miss Margery, aged four, was walking along the bluff with a friend of her mother’s, who had accompanied the family on a day’s outing. "Don’t go so near the edge," cautioned the child’s companion, as the venturesome little one frolicked in the dangerous places, and as the advice was unheeded, added: "It won’t be my fault if you fall over." "No," said Margery, "but you’ll be the one blamed for it." *SIMILAR KIND* "Now, boys," said the schoolmaster during an examination in geography, "what is the axis of the earth?" Johnny raised his hand promptly. "Well, Johnny, how would you describe it?" "The axis of the earth," said Johnny, proudly, "is an imaginary line which passes from one Pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves." "Very good," exclaimed the teacher. "Now, could you hang clothes on that line, Johnny?" "Yes, sir," was the reply. "Indeed," said the examiner, a little disconcerted, "and what sort of clothes?" "Imaginary clothes, sir." *HIS WANTS* "Would ye be so kind, ma’m, as to let me have a needle and thread?" asked the tramp. "Why, yes," said the housewife, "I can let you have that." "Thank ye, ma’m. Now, could ye let me have a bit of cloth for a patch?" "Yes, here is some."