The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm — John Shaqi
The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
In another second we were out of town, tearing along a country highway.
Evidently sensing the alarm expressed by my tense face and strained
posture, this man Pickerel began saying something in what was evidently
intended to be a reassuring tone; but such was the roaring of the car
that I could distinguish only broken fragments of his speech. I caught
the words “unparalleled opportunity,” repeated several times--the term
appeared to be a favorite of his--and “marvelous proposition.” Possibly
I was not listening very closely anyhow, my mind being otherwise
engaged. For one thing I was surmising in a general sort of way upon
the old theory of the result when the irresistible force encounters the
immovable object. I was wondering how long it would be before we hit
something solid and whether it would be possible afterward to tell us
apart. His straw hat also made me wonder. I had mine clutched in both
hands and even then it fluttered against my bosom like a captive bird,
but his stayed put. I think yet he must have had threads cut in his head
to match the convolutions of the straw and screwed his hat on, like a
nut on an axle.
I have a confused recollection of rushing with the speed of the tornado
through rows of trees; of leaping from the crest of one small hill to
the crest of the next small hill; of passing a truck patch with such
velocity that the lettuce and tomatoes and other things all seemed to
merge together in a manner suggestive of a well-mixed vegetable salad.
Then we swung off the main road in between the huge brick columns of an
ornate gateway that stood alone, with no fence in connection. We bumpily
traversed a rutted stretch of cleared land; and then with a jar and
a jolt we came to a pause in what appeared to be a wide and barren
expanse.
As my heart began to throb with slightly less violence I looked about me
for the abandoned farmhouse. I had conceived that it would be white with
green blinds and that it would stand among trees. It was not in sight;
neither were the trees. The entire landscape presented an aspect that
was indeed remarkable. Small numbered stakes, planted in double lines at
regular intervals, so as to form aisles, stretched away from us in every
direction. Also there were twin rows of slender sticks planted in the
earth in a sort of geometric pattern. Some were the size of switches.
Others were almost as large as umbrella handles and had sprouted
slightly. A short distance away an Italian was steering a dirtscraper
attached to a languid mule along a sort of dim roadway. There were no
other living creatures in sight. Right at my feet were two painted and
lettered boards affixed at cross angles to a wooden upright. The legend
on one of these boards was: Grand Concourse. The inscription on the
other read: Nineteenth Avenue West. Repressing a gasp, I opened my mouth
to speak.
“Ahem!” I said. “There has been some mistake--”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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