Humorous stories; Mistaken identity -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Then the visits of condolence began, and I had to accept the loan of
Miss Augusta-Templeton-Ashmore Hamilton’s quarters because the press
was so great and there isn’t room for three and a cat in mine. And I’ve
been holding a Lodge of Sorrow ever since and defending myself against
people’s attempts to claim kin. And do you know, the very first girl to
fetch her tears and sympathy to my market was that foolish Skimperton
girl who has always snubbed me so shamefully and claimed lordship and
precedence of the whole college because some ancestor of hers, some
time or other, was a McAllister. Why it was like the bottom bird in the
menagerie putting on airs because its head ancestor was a pterodactyl.
But the ger-reatest triumph of all was—guess. But you’ll never. This is
it. That little fool and two others have always been fussing and
fretting over which was entitled to precedence—by rank, you know.
They’ve nearly starved themselves at it; for each claimed the right to
take precedence of all the college in leaving the table, and so neither
of them ever finished her dinner, but broke off in the middle and tried
to get out ahead of the others. Well, after my first day’s grief and
seclusion—I was fixing up a mourning dress you see—I appeared at the
public table again, and then—what do you think? Those three fluffy
goslings sat there contentedly, and squared up the long famine—lapped
and lapped, munched and munched, ate and ate, till the gravy appeared
in their eyes—humbly waiting for the Lady Gwendolen to take precedence
and move out first, you see!
Oh, yes, I’ve been having a darling good time. And do you know, not one
of these collegians has had the cruelty to ask me how I came by my new
name. With some, this is due to charity, but with the others it isn’t.
They refrain, not from native kindness but from educated discretion. I
educated them.
Well, as soon as I shall have settled up what’s left of the old scores
and snuffed up a few more of those pleasantly intoxicating clouds of
incense, I shall pack and depart homeward. Tell papa I am as fond of
him as I am of my new name. I couldn’t put it stronger than that. What
an inspiration it was! But inspirations come easy to him.
These, from your loving daughter,
GWENDOLEN.
Hawkins reached for the letter and glanced over it.
“Good hand,” he said, “and full of confidence and animation, and goes
racing right along. She’s bright—that’s plain.”
“Oh, they’re all bright—the Sellerses. Anyway, they would be, if there
were any. Even those poor Latherses would have been bright if they had
been Sellerses; I mean full blood. Of course they had a Sellers strain
in them—a big strain of it, too—but being a Bland dollar don’t make it
a _dollar_ just the same.”
The seventh day after the date of the telegram Washington came dreaming
down to breakfast and was set wide awake by an electrical spasm of
pleasure.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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