The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
In the year 447, Ella the Saxon landed in Sussex with his three sons,
and drove the Britons into a forest one hundred and twenty miles long
and thirty broad, according to the old writers, but in our opinion just
about as broad as it was long, for otherwise there could have been no
room for it in the place where the old writers have planted it. Ella,
however, succeeded in clutching a very respectable slice, which was
called the kingdom of South Saxony, which included Surrey, Sussex, and
the New Forest; while another invading firm, under the title of Cerdic
and Son, started a small vanquishing business in the West, and by
conquering Hampshire and the Isle of Wight, founded the kingdom of
Wessex. Cerdic was considerably harassed by King Arthur of fabulous
fame, whose valour is reported to have been such, that he fought twelve
battles with the Saxons, and was three times married. His first and
third wives were carried away from him, but on the principle that no
news is good news, the historians tell us that as there are no records
of his second consort, his alliance with her may perhaps have been a
happy one. The third and last of his spouses ran off with his nephew
Mordred, and the enraged monarch having met his ungrateful kinsman in
battle, they engaged each other with such fury, that, like the Kilkenny
cats, they slew one another.
About the year 527, Greenwine landed on the Essex flats, which he had no
trouble in reducing, for he found them already on a very low level.
In 547, Ida, with a host of Angles, began fishing for dominion off
Flamborough head, where he effected a landing. He however settled on a
small wild space between the Tyne and the Tees, a tiny possession, in
which he was much teased by the beasts of the forest, for the place
having been abandoned, Nature had established a Zoological Society of
her own in this locality. The kingdom thus formed was called Bernicia,
and as the place was full of wild animals, it is not improbable that the
British Lion may have originally come from the place alluded to.
Ella, another Saxon prince, defeated Lancashire and York, taking the
name of King of the Deiri, and causing the inhabitants to lick the dust,
which was the only way they could find of repaying the licking they had
received from their conqueror. Ethelred, the grandson of Ida, having
married the daughter of Ella, began to cement the union in the
old-established way, by robbing his wife's relations of all their
property. He seized on the kingdom of his brother-in-law, and added it
to his own, uniting the petty monarchies of Deiri and Bemicia into the
single sovereignty of Northumberland.
[Illustration: 042]
Such were the several kingdoms which formed the Heptarchy.
Arithmeticians will probably tell us that seven into one will never go;
but into one the seven did eventually go by a process that will be shown
in the ensuing chapter.
CHAPTER THE FOURTH. THE UNION OF THE HEPTARCHY UNDER EGBERT.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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