The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Edred soon died, and left the kingdom to his little brother Edwy, a lad
of fifteen, who soon married Elgiva, a young lady of good family,
and took his wife's mother home to live with them. On the day of his
coronation he had given a party, and the gentlemen, including Odo,
Archbishop of Canterbury, and Dunstan, the monk, were still sitting over
their wine, when Edwy slipped out to join the ladies. Odo and Dunstan,
who were both six-bottle men, became angry at the absence of their royal
host, and the latter, at the suggestion of the former, went staggering
after the king to lug him back to the banquet-room. Edwy was quietly
seated with his wife and her mother in the boudoir--for it being a
gentlemen's party, no ladies seem to have been among the guests--and
the monk, hiccuping out some gross abuse of the queen and her mamma,
collared the young king, who was dragged back to the wine-table.
Though this outrage may have been half festive, interlarded with
exclamations of "Come along, old boy," "Don't leave us, old chap," and
other similar phrases of social familiarity, Edwy never forgave the
monk, whom he called upon to account for money received in his late
capacity of treasurer to the royal household. Dunstan being what is
usually termed a "jolly dog," and a "social companion," was of course
most irregular in money matters; and finding it quite impossible to make
out his books, he ran away to avoid the inconvenience of a regular
settlement.
Dunstan, nevertheless, resolved to pay his royal master off on the
first opportunity; and a rising having been instigated by his friend and
pot-companion, Archbishop Odo, Edgar, the brother of Edwy, was declared
independent sovereign of the whole of the island north of the Thames.
Dunstan returned from his brief exile; but, in the mean time, Edwy
had been deprived of his wife, Elgiva, by forcible abduction, at the
instigation of the odious Odo. The lovely unfortunate had her face
branded with a hot iron, and the most cruel means were taken to deprive
her of the beauty which was supposed to be the cause of her ascendancy
over the heart of her royal husband. Some historians have attributed
this outrage to the designs of Dunstan, and among the many irons that
monk was known to have had in the fire, may have been the very irons
with which this horrible barbarity was perpetrated. Her scars were,
however, obliterated by some Kalydor known at the time, and probably the
invention of some knightly Sir Rowland of that early era. She was on the
point of rejoining Edwy at Gloucester, when she was savagely murdered
by the enemies of her husband, who did not long survive her, for in the
following year, 958, he perished either by assassination or a broken
heart.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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