The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Edgar, a mere lad, of whom Dunstan had made a ladder for his own
ambition, now succeeded to his brother's dignities, if a series of
nothing but indignities can deserve to be so called. The wily monk had
now become Archbishop of Canterbury, and encouraged the new king to make
royal progresses among his subjects, in the course of which he is said
to have gone up on the river Dee, in an eight-oared cutter, rowed by
eight crowned sovereigns. In this illustrious water party Kenneth,
king of Scotland, pulled the stroke oar, their majesties of Cumbria,
Anglesey, Galloway, Westmere, and the three Welsh sovereigns, making up
the remainder of the royal crew, over which Edgar himself presided as
coxswain.
Though the young king gave great satisfaction in his public capacity,
his private character was exceedingly reprehensible. His inconstancy
towards the fair got him into sad disgrace, and his friend Dunstan on
one occasion administered to him a severe reprimand. The monk, however,
finished by fining him a crown, prohibiting him from putting on, during
a period of seven years, that very uncomfortable article of the regalia.
As the head is proverbially uneasy which wears a crown, the sentence
passed upon the king must have been a boon rather than a punishment.
Among the events connected with the reign of Edgar, his marriage with
Elfrida must always stand conspicuous. He had heard much of a provincial
beauty, the daughter of Olgar, or Ordgar, Earl of Devonshire, and the
king sent his favourite, the Earl of Athelwold, to see this rustic
_belle_, with a view of ascertaining whether the flower would be worth
transplanting to the palace of the sovereign. Athelwold, on seeing the
young lady, fell in love with her himself, from her extreme beauty; but
wrote up to Edgar, declaring that she might well be called "the mistress
of the village plain," for her plainness was absolutely painful; and
indeed he added in a P.S., "She is so disfigured by a squint, as to give
me the idea of the very squintes-sence of ugliness." Athelwold attributed
her reputation for beauty to her fortune, and declared that her money
turned her red hair into golden locks, causing her to be well "worthy
the attention of Persons about to Marry."
Edgar soon gave his consent to Athelwold's espousing the lady, on the
ground of her being a good match for him; but she proved more than a
match for him a short time afterwards. Edgar, at the expiration of the
honeymoon, proposed to visit his friend, who made excuses as long as
he could, inasmuch that he was seldom at home, and that he could not
exactly say when his majesty would be sure of catching him. The king,
however, good-naturedly promising to be satisfied with pot-luck, fixed a
day for his visit; ana Athelwold, confessing all to his wife, begged her
to disguise her charms, by putting on her shabbiest gown, and to behave
herself in such a manner as to make the king believe he had lost nothing
in not having married her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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