“Let it be a constant rule, that no chair, stool, or table, in the servants’-hall, or the kitchen, shall have above three legs, which hath been the ancient and constant practice in all the families I ever knew, and is said to be founded upon two reasons; first, to shew that servants are ever in a _tottering_ condition; secondly, it was thought a point of _humility_, that the servants’ chairs and tables should have at least one leg fewer than those of their masters. I grant there hath been an exception to this rule with regard to the cook, who by old custom was allowed an easy chair to _sleep_ in after dinner; and yet I have seldom seen them with above three legs. Now this epidemical lameness of servants’ chairs is by philosophers imputed to two causes, which are observed to make the greatest revolutions in states and empires; I mean, _love and war_. A stool, a chair, or a table, is the first weapon taken up in a general romping or skirmish; and after a peace, the chairs are apt to suffer in the conduct of _an amour_, the cook being usually fat and heavy, and the butler a little in drink. “When you stop to tattle with some crony servant, in the same street, leave your own street-door _open_, that you may get in without knocking when you come back; otherwise your mistress may know you are gone out, and you may be chidden. “I do most earnestly exhort you all to unanimity and concord: but mistake me not: you may quarrel with each other as much as you please; only always bear in mind, that you have a _common enemy_, which is your master and lady, and you have a common cause to defend. Believe an old practitioner; whoever, out of malice to a fellow-servant, carries a tale to his master, will be ruined by a general confederacy against him. “The general place for rendezvous for all the servants, both in winter and summer, is the kitchen: there the grand affairs of the family ought to be consulted; whether they concern the stable, the dairy, the pantry, the laundry, the cellar, the nursery, the dining-room, or my lady’s chamber: there, as in your own proper element, you can laugh, and squall, and romp in full security. “When any servant comes home drunk, and cannot appear, you must all join in telling your master, that he is gone to bed very sick; upon which your lady will be so good-natured as to order some comfortable thing for the poor man, or maid.