The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and ReturnWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and Return
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
There are many other mines here and at Gold Hill (another startling
silver city, a mile from here), all of which do nearly as well.
The silver is melted down into bricks of the size of common house
bricks; then it is loaded into huge wagons, each drawn by eight and
twelve mules, and sent off to San Francisco. To a young person
fresh from the land of greenbacks this careless manner of carting
off solid silver is rather a startler. It is related that a young
man who came Overland from New Hampshire a few months before my
arrival became so excited about it that he fell in a fit, with the
name of his Uncle Amos on his lips! The hardy miners supposed he
wanted his uncle there to see the great sight, and faint with him.
But this was pure conjecture, after all.
. . . .
I visit several of the adjacent mining towns, but I do not go to
Aurora. No, I think not. A lecturer on psychology was killed
there the other night by the playful discharge of a horse-pistol in
the hands of a degenerate and intoxicated Spaniard. This
circumstance, and a rumor that the citizens are "agin" literature,
induce me to go back to Virginia.
. . . .
I had pointed out to me at a restaurant a man who had killed four
men in street broils, and who had that very day cut his own
brother's breast open in a dangerous manner with a small supper
knife. He was a gentleman, however. I heard him tell some men so.
He admitted it himself. And I don't think he would lie about a
little thing like that.
The theatre at Virginia will attract the attention of the stranger,
because it is an unusually elegant affair of the kind, and would be
so regarded anywhere. It was built, of course, by Mr. Thomas
Maguire, the Napoleonic manager of the Pacific, and who has built
over twenty theatres in his time and will perhaps build as many
more, unless somebody stops him--which, by the way, will not be a
remarkably easy thing to do.
As soon as a mining camp begins to assume the proportions of a
city, at about the time the whiskey-vender draws his cork or the
gambler spreads his green cloth, Maguire opens a theatre, and with
a hastily-organized "Vigilance Committee" of actors, commences to
execute Shakespeare.
4.6. MR. PEPPER.
My arrival at Virginia City was signalized by the following
incident:
I had no sooner achieved my room in the garret of the International
Hotel than I was called upon by an intoxicated man who said he was
an Editor. Knowing how rare it was for an Editor to be under the
blighting influence of either spiritous or malt liquors, I received
this statement doubtfully. But I said:
"What name?"
"Wait!" he said, and went out.
I heard him pacing unsteadily up and down the hall outside. In ten
minutes he returned, and said:
"Pepper!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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