The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and ReturnWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and Return
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
There used to live near Carson City a notorious desperado, who
never visited town without killing somebody. He would call for
liquor at some drinking-house, and if anybody declined joining him
he would at once commence shooting. But one day he shot a man too
many. Going into the St. Nicholas drinking-house he asked the
company present to join him in a North American drink. One
individual was rash enough to refuse. With a look of sorrow rather
than anger the desperado revealed his revolver, and said, "Good
God! MUST I kill a man every time I come to Carson?" and so saying
he fired and killed the individual on the spot. But this was the
last murder the bloodthirsty miscreant ever committed, for the
aroused citizens pursued him with rifles and shot him down in his
own dooryard.
. . . .
I lecture in the theatre at Carson, which opens out of a drinking
and gambling house. On each side of the door where my ticket-taker
stands there are monte-boards and sweat-cloths, but they are
deserted to-night, the gamblers being evidently of a literary turn
of mind.
. . . .
Five years ago there was only a pony-path over the precipitous
hills on which now stands the marvelous city of Virginia, with its
population of twelve thousand persons, and perhaps more. Virginia,
with its stately warehouses and gay shops; its splendid streets,
paved with silver ore; its banking houses and faro-banks; its
attractive coffee-houses and elegant theatre, its music halls and
its three daily newspapers.
Virginia is very wild, but I believe it is now pretty generally
believed that a mining city must go through with a certain amount
of unadulterated cussedness before it can settle down and behave
itself in a conservative and seemly manner. Virginia has grown up
in the heart of the richest silver regions in the world, the El
Dorado of the hour; and of the immense numbers who are swarming
thither not more than half carry their mother's Bible or any
settled religion with them. The gambler and the strange woman as
naturally seek the new sensational town as ducks take to that
element which is so useful for making cocktails and bathing one's
feet; and these people make the new town rather warm for a while.
But by and by the earnest and honest citizens get tired of this
ungodly nonsense and organize a Vigilance Committee, which hangs
the more vicious of the pestiferous crowd to a sour-apple tree; and
then come good municipal laws, ministers, meeting-houses, and a
tolerably sober police in blue coats with brass buttons. About
five thousand able-bodied men are in the mines underground, here;
some as far down as five hundred feet. The Gould and Curry Mine
employs nine hundred men, and annually turns out about twenty
million dollars' worth of "demnition gold and silver," as Mr.
Mantalini might express it, though silver chiefly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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