The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and Return — John Shaqi
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and ReturnWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and Return
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
We go away on wheels, but the deep snow compels us to substitute
runners twelve miles out.
There are four passengers of us. We pierce the Wahsatch mountains
by Parley's canyon.
A snowstorm overtakes us as the night thickens, and the wind
shrieks like a brigade of strong-lunged maniacs. Never mind. We
are well covered up- our cigars are good. I have on deerskin
pantaloons, a deerskin overcoat, a beaver cap and buffalo
overshoes; and so, as I tersely observed before, Never mind. Let
us laugh the winds to scorn, brave boys! But why is William
Glover, driver, lying flat on his back by the roadside; and why am
I turning a handspring in the road; and why are the horses tearing
wildly down the Wahsatch mountains? It is because William Glover
has been thrown from his seat, and the horses are running away. I
see him fall off and it occurs to me I had better get out. In
doing so, such is the velocity of the sleigh, I turn a handspring.
Far ahead I hear the runners clash with the rocks, and I see Dr.
Hingston's lantern (he always would have a lantern), bobbing about
like the binnacle light of an oyster sloop, very loose in a choppy
sea. Therefore I do not laugh the winds to scorn as much as I did,
brave boys.
William G. is not hurt, and together we trudge on after the
runaways in the hope of overtaking them, which we do some two miles
off. They are in a snowbank, and "nobody hurt".
We are soon on the road again, all serene; though I believe the
Doctor did observe that such a thing would not have occurred under
a monarchial form of government.
We reach Weber station, thirty miles from Salt Lake City and wildly
situated at the foot of the grand Echo Canyon, at 3 o'clock the
following morning. We remain over a day here with James Bromley,
agent of the Overland Stage line, and who is better known on the
plains than Shakspeare is; although Shakspeare has done a good deal
for the stage. James Bromley has seen the Overland line grow up
from its ponyicy; and as Fitz-Green Halleck happily observes, none
know him BUT TO LIKE HIS STYLE. He was intended for an agent. In
his infancy he used to lisp the refrain,
"I want to be an agent,
And with the agents stand."
I part with this kind-hearted gentleman, to whose industry and
ability the Overland line owes much of its success, with sincere
regret; and I hope he will soon get rich enough to transplant his
charming wife from the desert to the "White settlements".
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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