The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 6: Artemus Ward's PanoramaWard, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 6: Artemus Ward's Panorama
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
. . . .
Next comes a jocund and discursive preamble, calculated to
show what a good education the Lecturer has.
. . . .
View the first is a sea-view.--Ariel navigation.--Normal
school of whales in the distance.--Isthmus of Panama.--
Interesting interview with Old Panama himself, who makes all
the hats.--Old Pan is a likely sort of man.
. . . .
San Francisco.--City with a vigilant government.--Miners
allowed to vote. Old inhabitants so rich that they have
legs with golden calves to them.
. . . .
Town in the Silver region.--Good quarters to be found
there.--Playful population, fond of high-low-jack and
homicide.--Silver lying around loose.--Thefts of it termed
silver-guilt.
. . . .
The plains in Winter.--A wild Moor, like Othello.--Mountains
in the distance forty thousand miles above the level of the
highest sea (Musiani's chest C included).--If you don't
believe this you can go there and measure them for yourself.
. . . .
Mormondom, sometimes called the City of the Plain, but
wrongly; the women are quite pretty.--View of Old Poly
Gamy's house, &c.
. . . .
The Salt Lake Hotel.--Stage just come in from its overland
route and retreat from the Indians.--Temperance house.--No
bar nearer than Salt Lake sand-bars.--Miners in shirts like
Artemus Ward his Programme--they are read and will wash.
. . . .
Mormon Theatre, where Artemus Ward lectured.--Mormons like
theatricals, and had rather go to the Playhouse than to the
Workhouse, any time. Private boxes reserved for the ears of
Brother Brigham's wives.
. . . .
Intermission of Five Minutes.
. . . .
Territorial State-House.--Seat of the Legislature.--About as
fair a collection as that at Albany--and "we can't say no
fairer than that."
. . . .
Residence of Brigham Young and his wives.--Two hundred souls
with but a single thought, Two hundred hearts that beat as
one.
. . . .
Seraglio of Heber C. Kimball.--Home of the Queens of Heber.-
-No relatives of the Queen of Sheba.--They are a nice gang
of darlings.
. . . .
Mormon Tabernacle, where the men espouse Mormonism and the
women espouse Brother Brigham and his Elders as spiritual
Physicians, convicted of bad doct'rin.
. . . .
Foundations of the Temple.--Beginning of a healthy little
job.--Temple to enclose all out-doors, and be paved with
gold at a premium.
. . . .
The Temple when finished.--Mormon-idea of a meeting-house.--
N.B. It will be bigger, probably, than Dodworth Hall.--one
of the figures in the foreground is intended for Heber C.
Kimball.--You can see, by the expression of his back, that
he is thinking what a great man Joseph Smith was.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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