The Confessions of Artemas Quibble: Being the Ingenuous and Unvarnished History of Artemas Quibble, Esquire, One-Time Practitioner in the New York Criminal Courts, Together with an Account of the Divers Wiles, Tricks, Sophistries, Technicalities, and Sundry Artifices of Himself and Others of the Fraternity, Commonly Yclept "Shysters" or "Shyster Lawyers" — John Shaqi
The Confessions of Artemas Quibble: Being the Ingenuous and Unvarnished History of Artemas Quibble, Esquire, One-Time Practitioner in the New York Criminal Courts, Together with an Account of the Divers Wiles, Tricks, Sophistries, Technicalities, and Sundry Artifices of Himself and Others of the Fraternity, Commonly Yclept "Shysters" or "Shyster Lawyers"Train, Arthur Cheney
General
The Confessions of Artemas Quibble: Being the Ingenuous and Unvarnished History of Artemas Quibble, Esquire, One-Time Practitioner in the New York Criminal Courts, Together with an Account of the Divers Wiles, Tricks, Sophistries, Technicalities, and Sundry Artifices of Himself and Others of the Fraternity, Commonly Yclept "Shysters" or "Shyster Lawyers"
Train, Arthur Cheney
Attorney and client -- Fiction; Legal stories; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
My mother, on the other hand, was a pale young woman of an undecided
turn of mind with a distinct taste for the lighter pleasures that
she was never allowed to gratify. I think she secretly longed for
the freedom that had been hers under the broader roof of her father's
stately mansion on High Street. But she had, I suspect, neither
the courage nor the force of mind to raise an issue, and from sheer
inertia remained faithful to the life that she had elected.
My grandfather never had anything to do with either of them and
did not, so far as I am aware, know me by sight, which may account
for the fact that when he died he bequeathed a moderate sum in
trust, "the proceeds to be devoted to the support and maintenance
of the child of my daughter Sarah, at some suitable educational
institution where he may be removed from the influences of his
father."
Thus it was that at the age of nine I was sent away from home and
began an independent career at the boarding-school kept by the
Reverend Mr. Quirk, at Methuen, Massachusetts. Here I remained
for seven years, in the course of which both my parents died,
victims of typhoid. I was cast upon the world utterly alone, save
for the rather uncompromising and saturnine regard in which I was
held by old Mr. Toddleham, my trustee. This antique gentleman
inhabited a musty little office, the only furniture in which
consisted of a worn red carpet, a large engraving of the Hon.
Jeremiah Mason, and a table covered with green baize. I recall
also a little bronze horse which he used as a paper weight. He
had a shrewd wrinkled face of the color of parchment, a thick yellow
wig, and a blue cape coat. His practice consisted almost entirely
in drawing wills and executing them after the decease of their
respective testators, whom he invariably outlived, and I think he
regarded me somewhat in the light of a legal joke. He used to send
for me twice a year, for the sole purpose, I believe, of ascertaining
whether or not I was sufficiently nourished at Quirk's establishment.
On these occasions he would take me to lunch with him at the Parker
House, where he invariably ordered scallops and pumpkin pie for me
and a pint of port for himself.
On my departure he would hand me solemnly two of the pieces of
paper currency known as "shin plasters," and bid me always hold my
grandfather's memory in reverence. On one of these occasions, when
he had laid me under a similar adjuration, I asked him whether he
had ever heard of the man who made his son take off his hat whenever
he met a pig--on the ground that his father had made his money in
pork. He stared at me very hard for a moment with his little
twinkling eyes and then suddenly and without any preliminary symptoms
exploded in a cackle of laughter.
"Goddamme," he squeaked, "I wish your gran'ther could a' heard y'
say that!"
Then without further explanation he turned and made his way down
School Street and I did not see him for another six months.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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