The resolution was no sooner formed than I proceeded to put it into
execution. There was no necessity to lower the window; the handle was
inside the carriage. Turning the handle, I rose from my seat. Whether
she mistook or designed to frustrate my purpose, I cannot say. No
sooner did I rise, than she came rushing at me. The violence of her
assault took me by surprise. The handle escaping from my grasp, the
door swung back upon its hinges. She had me by the shoulders. I
endeavoured to wrest myself free. There was a struggle. In the
struggle, unconsciously certainly to me, we must have reversed our
positions, because, suddenly loosing her grasp of me, before I had the
faintest suspicion of what was about to happen, she had fallen
backwards through the open carriage door, out into the night, and the
train was going at express speed to town.
It was some moments before I realised what had actually occurred. When
I did do so, I sat down on the seat in a sort of stupor. I was roused
from it by the banging of the carriage door. It was being swung
backwards and forwards by the momentum of the train. I shut it, almost
mechanically; as I did so I noticed that the glass was shattered. It
might have been broken by the banging of the door, or she might have
broken it by striking it in her frantic efforts to clutch at something.
What was I to do? My eyes wandered to the alarm-bell. Should I ring it
and stop the train? To what purpose? She might not be dead. Indeed, the
probabilities were that she was, at least, not quite dead. In such a
case I knew her well enough to be aware that nothing was more likely
than that she would at once denounce me as her attempted murderer. Then
in what a plight I should be! To the best of my knowledge and belief
she had brought her fate upon herself. I had nothing to do with it.
Undoubtedly, I had not opened the door to hurl her through. It is easy
enough after the event to say that at all hazards I ought at once to
have stopped the train, and explained what had occurred. I should have
done so had I been able to foresee the events which followed. I should
have been willing to have given a great deal to have saved myself from
bearing what I actually have borne. But, at the moment, I foresaw
nothing. My wits were woolgathering. I was confronted by the thought
that, in face of her allegations of my guilt, my protestations of
innocence might avail but little. I had suffered too much on her
account already to have any desire to suffer more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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