DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world. DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity, and many other goodly sons and daughters. All hail, Delusion! Were it not for thee The world turned topsy-turvy we should see; For Vice, respectable with cleanly fancies, Would fly abandoned Virtue's gross advances. Mumfrey Mappel. DENTIST, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket. DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears. DEPUTY, n. A male relative of an officer-holder or of his bondsman. The deputy is commonly a beautiful young man, with a red necktie and an intricate system of cobwebs extending from his nose to his desk. When accidentally struck by the janitor's broom, he gives off a cloud of dust. "Chief Deputy," the master cried, "To-day the books are to be tried By experts and accountants who Have been commissioned to go through Our office here, to see if we Have stolen injudiciously. Please have the proper entries made, The proper balances displayed, Conforming to the whole amount Of cash on hand--which they will count. I 've long admired your punctual way-- Here at the break and close of day, Confronting in your chair the crowd Of business men, whose voices loud And gestures violent you quell By some mysterious, calm spell-- Some magic lurking in your look That brings the noisiest to book And spreads a holy and profound Tranquillity o'er all around. So orderly all's done that they Who came to draw remain to pay. But now the time demands, at last, That you employ your genius vast In energies more active. Rise And shake the lightnings from your eyes; Inspire your underlings, and fling Your spirit into everything!" The master hand here dealt a whack Upon the Deputy's bent back, When straightway to the floor there fell A shrunken globe, a rattling shell, A blackened, withered, eyeless head! The man had been a twelvemonth dead. Jamrach Holobom. DESTINY, n. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse. DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels. DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.