Diary fiction; England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Men -- England -- Fiction; Middle class -- Fiction; Suburban life -- Fiction
Things might have become rather disagreeable but for Gowing (who seems to
have taken to Lupin) suggesting they should invent games. Lupin said:
“Let’s play ‘monkeys.’” He then led Gowing all round the room, and
brought him in front of the looking-glass. I must confess I laughed
heartily at this. I was a little vexed at everybody subsequently
laughing at some joke which they did not explain, and it was only on
going to bed I discovered I must have been walking about all the evening
with an antimacassar on one button of my coat-tails.
AUGUST 28.—Found a large brick in the middle bed of geraniums, evidently
come from next door. Pattles and Pattles can’t find a place for Lupin.
AUGUST 29.—Mrs. James is making a positive fool of Carrie. Carrie
appeared in a new dress like a smock-frock. She said “smocking” was all
the rage. I replied it put me in a rage. She also had on a hat as big
as a kitchen coal-scuttle, and the same shape. Mrs. James went home, and
both Lupin and I were somewhat pleased—the first time we have agreed on a
single subject since his return. Merkins and Son write they have no
vacancy for Lupin.
OCTOBER 30.—I should very much like to know who has wilfully torn the
last five or six weeks out of my diary. It is perfectly monstrous! Mine
is a large scribbling diary, with plenty of space for the record of my
everyday events, and in keeping up that record I take (with much pride) a
great deal of pains.
I asked Carrie if she knew anything about it. She replied it was my own
fault for leaving the diary about with a charwoman cleaning and the
sweeps in the house. I said that was not an answer to my question. This
retort of mine, which I thought extremely smart, would have been more
effective had I not jogged my elbow against a vase on a table temporarily
placed in the passage, knocked it over, and smashed it.
Carrie was dreadfully upset at this disaster, for it was one of a pair of
vases which cannot be matched, given to us on our wedding-day by Mrs.
Burtsett, an old friend of Carrie’s cousins, the Pommertons, late of
Dalston. I called to Sarah, and asked her about the diary. She said she
had not been in the sitting-room at all; after the sweep had left, Mrs.
Birrell (the charwoman) had cleaned the room and lighted the fire
herself. Finding a burnt piece of paper in the grate, I examined it, and
found it was a piece of my diary. So it was evident some one had torn my
diary to light the fire. I requested Mrs. Birrell to be sent to me
to-morrow.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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