"I will have another cup, too," he said. "How it wakes up the mind."
He glanced at Mailing and added:
"Almost terribly sometimes."
"Yes. But--going back to our subject--don't you still think that men
should live by the truth?"
"I think," began Chichester--"I think--"
It seemed as if something physical prevented him from continuing. He
swallowed, as if forcing something down his throat.
"I think," he got out at last, "that few men know how terrible the face
of truth can be."
His own countenance was contorted as he spoke, as if he were regarding
something frightful.
"I think"--he turned right round in his chair to confront Malling
squarely--"that _you_ do not know."
For the first time he completely dominated Malling, Chichester the
gentle, cherubic clergyman, whom Malling had thought of as good, but
weak, and certainly as a negligible quantity. He dominated, because at
that moment he made Malling feel as if he had some great possession of
knowledge which Malling lacked.
"And you?" said Malling. "Do you know?"
The curate's lips worked, but he made no answer.
Malling was aware of a great struggle in his mind, as of a combat in
which two forces were engaged. He got up, walked to the window, and
stood as if listening to the rain.
"If only Stepton were here!" thought Malling.
There was a truth hidden from him, perhaps partly divined, obscurely half
seen, but not thoroughly understood, as a whole invisible. Stepton would
be the man to elucidate it, Malling thought. It lured him on, and baffled
him.
"How it rains!" said the curate at last, without turning.
He bent down and opened the small window. The uneasy, almost sinister
noise of rain in darkness entered the room, with the soft smell of
moisture.
"Do you mind if we have a little air?" he added.
"I should like it," said Malling.
Chichester came back and sat down again opposite Malling. His
expression had now quite changed. He looked calmer, gentler, weaker,
and much more uninteresting. Crossing his legs, and folding his thin
hands on his knees, he began to talk in his light tenor voice. And
he kept the conversation going on church music, sacred art in Italy,
and other eminently safe and respectable topics till it was time for
Malling to go.
Only when he was letting his guest out into the night did he seem
troubled once more. He clasped Malling's hand in his, as if almost
unaware that he was doing so, and said with some hesitation:
"Are you--are you going to see the rector again?"
"Not that I know of," said Malling, speaking the strict truth, and
virtually telling a lie at the same time.
For he was determined, if possible, to see Mr. Harding, and that before
very long.
"If I may say so," Chichester said, shifting from one foot to another and
looking down at the rain-sodden pavement, "I wouldn't see him."
"May I ask you why?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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