Psychological fiction; Science fiction; Short stories; Space flight to Mars -- Fiction
It did not lift. They sat weightless and disoriented while the gyros
precessed and the ship swung end by end and the steady pressure of the
Feeling mounted up and up without relief.
"It gets worse every hour," Vaughn said raggedly.
"It's not a matter of time," Maxon said. "It's the distance. The
Feeling grows stronger as we get farther from home."
They sat for another time without talk, feeling the distance build up
behind them and sensing through the unwindowed hull of the ship what
the emptiness outside must be like. The ship was no longer an armored
projectile bearing them snugly and swiftly to a first planetfall. It
was a walnut shell without strength or direction.
In the end they talked out their problem because there was nothing else
they could do.
"We're men," Maxon said, not as if he must convince himself but as if
it were a premise that had to be made, a starting point for all logic.
"We're reasoning creatures. If the trouble lies in ourselves we can
find its source and its reason for being."
He picked Vaughn first because Vaughn had been first to sense the
wrongness and because the most sensitive link in a chain is also
predictably its weakest.
"Try," Maxon said. "I know there are no words to describe this thing,
but get as close as you can."
* * * * *
Vaughn tried. "It isn't home-sickness. It's a different thing
altogether from nostalgia. It's not just fear. I'm afraid--not of any
_thing_, just afraid in the way a child is afraid of falling in his
dreams, when he's really had no experience with falling because he's
never fallen more than a few inches in his life.... When I think of my
wife, it's not the same at all as if I were just in some far corner of
the Earth with only land and water between us. Even if I were marooned
on an uncharted island somewhere with no hope of seeing home again, I
wouldn't feel this way. There wouldn't be this awful _pulling_."
Ragan agreed with Vaughn that the Feeling was essentially a _pull_, but
beyond agreement could add nothing. Ragan had covered the world without
forming a tie to hold him; one place was as good as another and he
felt no loss for any particular spot on Earth.
"I only want to be back there," he said simply. "Anywhere but here."
"I was born on a farm in New England," Walraven said. "Out of the land,
like my father and his people before him. I'm part of that land, no
matter how far from it I go, because everything I am came from it. I
feel uprooted. I don't belong here."
_Uprooted_ was the key for which they had hunted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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