_Figaro._ What occasion for Council? A race of Gentlemen who are always so very learned, they know every thing, except their Briefs! Who insolently interrogate Modesty and Timidity, and endeavour, by confusing, to make Honesty forswear itself; and, after having laboured for hours, with all legal prolixity, to perplex self-evident Propositions, and bewilder the understandings of the Judges, sit down as proud as if they had just pronounced a Phillipic of Demosthenes--(_Addressing himself to the Court_) My Lord, and Gentlemen--The Question before the Court is---- _Doublefee._ (_Interrupting him_) It is not you to speak, you are the Defendant----Who pleads for the Plaintiff? _Doctor._ I. _Doublefee._ You! A Physician turn Lawyer?-- _Figaro._ Oh yes, and equally skilful in both. _Count._ Read the Promise of Marriage, Doctor. _Guzman._ Re-e-ead the Pro-o-omise of Marriage. _Doctor._ (_Reads_) I acknowledge to have received of Marcelina-Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, the sum of two thousand Piasters, in the Castle of Count Almaviva, which sum I promise to repay to the said Marcelina-Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, _and_ to marry her. Signed, Figaro. (_Addressing himself to the Count_) My Lord, and Gentlemen! Hem! Never did cause more interesting, more intricate, or in which the Interest of Mankind, their Rights, Properties, Lives and Liberties were more materially involved, ever claim the profound Attention of this most learned, most honourable Court, and from the time of Alexander the Great, who promised to espouse the beauteous Thalestris---- _Count._ Stop, most formidable Orator; and ere you proceed, enquire whether the Defendant does not contest the validity of your Deed. _Guzman._ (_To Figaro_) Do you co-ontest the va-va-va-va-lidity of the Dee-eed? _Figaro._ My Lord and Gentlemen! Hem! There is in this Case, either Fraud, Error, Malice, or mischievous Intention, for the Words of the Acknowledgment are, I promise to repay the said Marcelina-Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, the said sum of two thousand Piasters _or_ to marry her, which is very different. _Doctor._ I affirm it is AND. _Figaro._ I affirm it is OR. _Doctor._ Well, suppose it. _Figaro._ No Supposition, I will have it granted. _Count._ Clerk, Read you the Promise. _Guzman._ Re-e-ead the P-P-P-Promise, D-D-D-Double-fee. _Doublefee._ (_Reads_) I acknowledge to have received of Marcelina-Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, the sum of two thousand Piasters, in the Castle of Count Almaviva, which sum I promise to repay the said Marcelina-Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, _and--or--and--or--or_--The Word is blotted. _Doctor._ No matter; the Sense of the Phrase is equally clear. This learned Court is not now to be informed the word or particle, Or, hath various significations--It means _otherwise_ and _either_--It likewise means _before_--For example, in the language of the Poet. _Or_ ’ere the Sun decline the western Sky, ’Tis Fate’s decree the Victims all must die.