The Freaks of MayfairBenson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
General
The Freaks of Mayfair
Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
But while they were in the country no distraction consequent on hunting
or shooting parties diverted them from their mission in life, which was
to behave like Whittlemeres. About two hundred and thirty years ago, it
is true, a certain Lord Whittlemere had had ‘passages,’ so to speak,
with a female who was not Lady Whittlemere, but since then the whole
efforts of the family had been devoted to wiping out this deplorable
lapse. Wet or fine, hunting and shooting notwithstanding, Lord
Whittlemere gave audience every Thursday to his estate-manager, who laid
before him accounts and submitted reports. Nothing diverted him from his
duty, any more than it did from distributing the honours of his shooting
lunches among the big farmer-tenants of the neighbourhood. There was a
regular cycle of these, and duly Lord Whittlemere with his guests
lunched (the lunch in its entirety being brought out in hampers from The
House) at Farmer Jones’s, and Farmer Smith’s, and Farmer Robertson’s,
complimented Mrs. Jones, Smith and Robertson on the neatness of their
gardens and the rosy-facedness of their children, and gave them each a
pheasant or a hare. Similarly whatever Highnesses and Duchesses were
staying at The House, Lady Whittlemere went every Wednesday morning to
the Mothers’ Meeting at the Vicarage, and every Thursday afternoon to
pay a call in rotation on three of the lodgekeepers’ and tenants’ wives.
This did not bore her in the least: nothing in the cold shape of duty
ever bored her. Conjointly they went to church on Sunday morning, where
Lord Whittlemere stood up before the service began and prayed into his
hat, subsequently reading the lessons, and giving a sovereign into the
plate, while Lady Whittlemere, after a choir practice on Saturday
afternoon, played the organ. It was the custom for the congregation to
wait in their pews till they had left the church, exactly as if it was
in honour of Lord and Lady Whittlemere that they had assembled here.
This impression was borne out by the fact that as The Family walked down
the aisle the congregation rose to their feet. Only the footman who was
on duty that day preceded their exit, and he held the door of the landau
open until Lady Whittlemere and three daughters had got in. Lord
Whittlemere and such sons as were present then took off their hats to
their wife, mother, sisters and daughters and strode home across the
Park.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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