The Freaks of MayfairBenson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
General
The Freaks of Mayfair
Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
And as if this was not enough propriety for one day, every Sunday
evening the vicar of the parish came to dine with the family, directly
after evening service. He was bidden to come straight back from evensong
without dressing, and in order to make him quite comfortable Lord
Whittlemere never dressed on Sunday evening, and made a point of reading
the _Guardian_ and the _Church Family Newspaper_ in the interval between
tea and dinner, so as to be able to initiate Sabbatical subjects. This
fortunate clergyman was permitted to say grace both before and after
meat, and Lord Whittlemere always thanked him for ‘looking in on us.’ To
crown all he invariably sent him two pheasants and a hare during the
month of November and an immense cinnamon turkey at Christmas.
In this way Constance Whittlemere’s married life was just the flower of
her maiden bud. The same sense of duty as had inspired her school-room
days presided like some wooden-eyed Juggernaut over her wifehood, and
all her freedom from any sort of worry or anxiety for these thirty-four
years served but to give her a shell to her soul. She became rounded and
water-tight, she got to be embedded in the jelly of comfort and security
and curtseying lodge-keepers’ wives, and ‘yes-my-lady’-Sunday-Schools.
Such rudiments of humanity as she might possibly have once been
possessed of shrivelled like a devitalised nut-kernel, and, when at the
end of these thirty-four years her husband died, she was already too
proper, too shell-bound to be human any longer. Naturally his death was
an extremely satisfactory sort of death, and there was no sudden stroke,
nor any catching of vulgar disease. He had a bad cold on Saturday, and,
with a rising temperature, insisted on going to church on Sunday. Not
content with that, in the pursuance of perfect duty he went to the
stables, as usual, on Sunday afternoon, and fed his hunters with lumps
of sugar and carrots. It is true that he sent the second footman down to
the church about the time of evensong, to say that he was exceedingly
unwell, and would have to forgo the pleasure of having Mr. Armine to
dinner, but the damage was already done. He developed pneumonia,
lingered a decorous week, and then succumbed. All was extremely proper.
It is idle to pretend that his wife felt any sense of desolation, for
she was impervious to everything except dignity. But she decided to call
herself Constance Lady Whittlemere, rather than adopt the ugly name of
Dowager. There was a magnificent funeral, and she was left very well
off.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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