The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"The monkey? Why, Mr. Pate, the animal will not accept it if he does."
"I don't mean to the monkey, sir; I mean to Captain Bragg."
"Oh, that alters the case. The captain is a fighting man."
"Yes, sir; and Mr. Botts is determined on a bloody issue. He has been
with Wiggins the whole morning, and I know that he has penned a
challenge."
"Well, my dear sir, what can I do to prevent the issue which you
apprehend?"
"Bragg will apply to you to act as his second. Could you not persuade
him to apologize?"
"Apologize! Apologize for knocking Botts down? Impossible, sir!"
"How impossible? Cannot a man apologize for what he has done?"
"Mr. Pate, you are well versed in legal lore, but you seem to be
profoundly ignorant of a very stringent article in the code of honor."
"And what is that, sir?"
"One of the thirty-nine articles of the code of dueling, compiled by 'A
Southron,' prohibits a gentleman, who has received a blow, from
accepting an apology until the party who has dealt the blow first allows
himself to be slapped on the face in the most public place in the town.
Now, do you suppose that Captain Bragg will consent to stand in the
street, in front of the hotel, before a crowd of spectators, male and
female, and allow Botts to knock him down, and then get up and apologize
for having knocked Botts down? Impossible, sir! impossible! There can be
no apology."
"No apology? If a man is sorry for what he has done, is he prohibited
from saying so? Monstrous, sir! monstrous! Is this a Christian country?"
"I believe it is; and dueling is a Christian practice."
"I deny it most emphatically, sir. It is a barbarous, a heathenish
practice!"
"Why, Mr. Pate, who ever heard of the code of honor among the heathen
Greeks or Romans, or among any other heathens, ancient or modern?
Christians are the only duelists. The custom originated with the knights
who fought for the Cross and against the Crescent. It has been the
favorite mode of settling difficulties, among gentlemen in Christian
countries, ever since. Yes, sir; and even churchmen have fought duels. A
parson, in one of our Southern States, once challenged a layman, and
shot him through the heart in accordance with the code of honor."[1]
"Horrible! Mr. Belton, what--what is to be done?"
"Why, I suppose, we must let the men fight, if they are determined to do
so."
"Can we not apply to a justice of the peace? Can we not have them
arrested?"
"Mr. Pate, if you were to do so, public opinion is such that you would
be mobbed, ridden on a rail, pelted with rotten eggs, and your life
might be in danger."
"My dear, dear sir, what--what is to be done? I cannot see poor Botts
shot down,--cut off in the flower of his days!"
Here Mr. Pate was so overcome by his feelings that the big tears began
to roll down his cheeks, and Tom Seddon's heart was softened.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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