The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“When I was a child I always thought that that would be the most
wonderful thing in the world.”
“The most wonderful thing in the world is love, a pure and consuming
love, a love which....”
“Oh, hello!” said a voice.
All through this scene, right from the very beginning of it, Sam had
not been able to rid himself of a feeling that there was something
missing. The time and the place and the girl—they were all present and
correct; nevertheless there was something missing, some familiar object
which seemed to leave a gap. He now perceived that what had caused the
feeling was the complete absence of Bream Mortimer. He was absent no
longer. He was standing in front of them with one leg, his head lowered
as if he were waiting for someone to scratch it. Sam’s primary impulse
was to offer him a nut.
“Oh, hello, Bream!” said Billie.
“Hullo!” said Sam.
“Hello!” said Bream Mortimer. “Here you are!”
There was a pause.
“I thought you might be here,” said Bream.
“Yes, here we are,” said Billie.
“Yes, we’re here,” said Sam.
There was another pause.
“Mind if I join you?” said Bream.
“N—no,” said Billie.
“N—no,” said Sam.
“No,” said Billie again. “No ... that is to say ... oh no, not at all.”
There was a third pause.
“On second thoughts,” said Bream, “I believe I’ll take a stroll on the
promenade deck if you don’t mind.”
They said they did not mind. Bream Mortimer, having bumped his head
twice against overhanging steel ropes, melted away.
“Who is that fellow?” demanded Sam wrathfully.
“He’s the son of father’s best friend.”
Sam started. Somehow this girl had always been so individual to him
that he had never thought of her having a father.
“We have known each other all our lives,” continued Billie. “Father
thinks a tremendous lot of Bream. I suppose it was because Bream was
sailing by her that father insisted on my coming over on this boat. I’m
in disgrace, you know. I was cabled for and had to sail at a few days’
notice. I....”
“Oh, hello!”
“Why, Bream!” said Billie looking at him as he stood on the old spot in
the same familiar attitude with rather less affection than the son of
her father’s best friend might have expected. “I thought you said you
were going down to the promenade deck.
“I did go down to the promenade deck. And I’d hardly got there when a
fellow who’s getting up the ship’s concert to-morrow night nobbled me
to do something for it. I said I could only do conjuring tricks and
juggling and so on, and he said all right, do conjuring tricks and
juggling, then. He wanted to know if I knew anyone else who would help.
I came up to ask you,” he said to Sam, “if you would do something.”
“No,” said Sam. “I won’t.”
“He’s got a man who’s going to lecture on deep-sea fish and a couple of
women who both want to sing ‘The Rosary’ but he’s still a turn or two
short. Sure you won’t rally round?”
“Quite sure.”
“Oh, all right.” Bream Mortimer hovered wistfully above them. “It’s a
great morning, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” said Sam.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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