forth beauty--might even now be beautiful to simple and true eyes--and
had already given them a fitness to their place which he had for no
place on earth. When it was food and warmth which were lacking he never
hesitated to use his money, but beyond satisfying these needs he could
not feel sure that he was not fancifully interfering with a force which
he did not understand and could not overestimate. Therefore, leaving
all save a little of his money to be spent in directly supplying
the needs of hungry and cold men, he escaped from the sublime,
unintelligible scene. He went up into the tower that he had built on a
rock in his own mountains, to think about life before he began to live.
Up there, said his mother, he hoped to learn why sometimes in a London
street, beneath the new and the multitudinous, could be felt a simple
and a pure beauty, beneath the turmoil a placidity, beneath the noise a
silence which he longed to reach and drink deeply and perpetuate, but
in vain. It was his desire to learn to see in human life, as we see in
the life of bees, the unity, which perhaps some higher order of beings
can see through the complexity which confuses us. He had set out to
seek at first by means of science, but he thought that science was an
end, not a means. For a hundred years, he said, men had been reading
science and investigating, as they had been reading history, with the
result that they knew some science and some history. “So he went up
into his tower, and there he has been these twelve years,” said Mrs
Morgan, “with Angharad and no comforts. You would think by his letters
that his thoughts had become giddy up there. Only five letters have I
had from him in these twelve years. This is all,” she added, showing
a small packet in her handbag. “For the last six years nobody has
heard from him except Ann. He wished he had asked Ann to go with him
to the tower. She would have gone, too. She would have preserved him
from being poetical. It is true he was only twenty-five years old at
the time, but he was too poetical. He said things which he was bound
to repent in a year, perhaps in a day. He writes quite seriously, as
actors half seriously talk, in tones quite inhumanly sublime.” She
read me scraps from these old letters, evidently admiring as well as
disapproving:
“I am alone. From my tower I look out at the huge desolate heaves of
the grey beacons. Their magnitude and pure form give me a great calm.
Here is nothing human, gentle, disturbing, as there is in the vales.
There is nothing but the hills and the silence, which is God. The
greater heights, set free from night and the mist, look as if straight
from the hands of God, as if here He also delighted in pure form and
magnitude that are worthy of His love. The huge shadows moving slowly
over the grey spaces of winter, the olive spaces of summer, are as
God’s hand....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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