English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"Yes; well, if the rooks want to build in the raspberry canes this
year, let them, James. Don't be inhospitable."
"Course, some do like to see primroses, I don't say. But--"
"Primroses--I knew there was something. Where are they?"
"It's too early for them," said James hastily. "You won't get
primroses now before April."
"Don't say 'now,' as if it were my fault. Why didn't you plant them
earlier? I don't believe you know any of the tricks of your
profession, James. You never seem to graft anything or prune
anything, and I'm sure you don't know how to cut a slip. James, why
don't you prune more? Prune now--I should like to watch you. Where's
your pruning-hook? You can't possibly do it with a rake."
James spends most of his day with a rake--sometimes leaning on it,
sometimes working with it. The beds are always beautifully kept.
Only the most hardy annual would dare to poke its head up and spoil
the smooth appearance of the soil. For those who like circles and
rectangles of unrelieved brown, James is undoubtedly the man.
As I stood in the sun I had a brilliant idea.
"James," I said, "we'll cut the croquet lawn this afternoon."
"You can't play croquet to-day, it's not warm enough."
"I don't pay you to argue, but to obey. At the same time I should
like to point out that I never said I was going to play croquet. I
said that we, meaning you, would cut the lawn."
"What's the good of that?"
"Why, to encourage the wonderful day, of course. Where is your
gratitude, man? Don't you want to do something to help? How can we
let a day like this go past without some word of welcome? Out with
the mower, and let us hail the passing of winter."
James looked at me in disgust.
"Gratitude!" he said indignantly to Heaven. "And there's my eleven
crocuses in the front all a-singing together like anything on three
bob a week!"
THE ORDEAL BY FIRE
Our Flame-flower, the Family Flame-flower, is now plainly
established in the north-east corner of the pergola, and flourishes
exceedingly. There, or thereabouts, it will remain through the
generations to come--a cascade of glory to the eye, a fountain of
pride to the soul. "Our fathers' fathers," the unborn will say of
us, "performed this thing; they toiled and suffered that we might
front the world with confidence--a family secure in the knowledge
that it has been tried by fire and not found wanting...."
The Atherley's flame-flower, I am glad to inform you, is dead.
. . . . . . .
We started the work five years ago. I was young and ignorant then--I
did not understand. One day they led me to an old apple tree and
showed me, fenced in at its foot, two twigs and a hint of leaf. "The
flame-flower!" they said, with awe in their voices. I was very
young; I said that I didn't think much of it. It was from that
moment that my education began....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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