The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
General
The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
"Ha! ha! well, well, I swar, it is curious, stranger, that you don't
know me, _me_ that kin show more _Ingin_ skelps than any white man that
ever trod these war paths; _me_, who kin shoot more wolves and fetch in
more of the varmints' skelps in one night than any white man or _Ingin_
that ever trod this wilderness. But I'm gittin' old, very old,
forgotten, and here comes a white man clean and straight from the
settlements and he don't know me; I swar I've lived to be clean ashamed
o' myself." And with this soliloquy, half to himself and partly
addressed to the drover, the old hunter seemed almost fit to cry, at his
imaginary insignificance and dotage.
"But, friend," said the drover, "as you have not yet informed me by what
name I may call you--"
"_Call_ me, stranger? why I _am_"--and here his eyes glared as he threw
himself into a heroic attitude--"Chris Green, _old_ Chris Green, the
_wolf slayer!_ But, God bless ye, stranger, p'r'aps you're from t'other
side the ridge, and don't know old Chris's history."
"That I frankly admit," replied the drover.
"Well, God bless ye, I love my fellow white men, yes, I do, though I
live yer by myself, and clothe myself with the varmints' skins, go but
seldom to the settlements, and live on what old kit thar provides me.
"Well, stranger, my history's a mighty mournful one, but as yer unlucky
like myself and plenty of business to 'tend to 'fore night, I'll make my
troubles short to ye.
"Well, you see about thirty years ago, I left the blue ridge with a
party of my neighbors to come down yer in the Sciota country, to see it,
and lay plans to drive the cussed red skins clean out of it. Well, the
red skins appeared rather quiet, what few we fell in with, and monstrous
civil. But cuss the sarpints, there's no more dependence to be put in
'em than the cantankerous wolves, and roast 'em, I always sets old kit
talkin' Dutch to them varmints, the moment I claps eyes on 'em. The
wolf's my nat'ral inimy--I'd walk forty miles to git old kit a wolf
skelp. Well, we travelled all over the valley, and we gin it as our
opinion that the Sciota country was the garden spot o' the world, and if
we could only defend ourselves 'gainst the inimy we should move right
down yer at once. We went back home, and the next spring a hull
settlement on us came down yer. My neighbors thought it best for us all
to settle down together at Chillicothe, whar a few Ingin huts and cabins
war. I had a wife, and son and da'ter; now, stranger, I loved 'em as
dearer to me 'nor life or heart's blood itself. Well, the red skins soon
began to show their pranks--they stole our cre'ters (horses), shot down
our cattle, and made all manner o' trouble for the little settlement. At
last I proposed we should build a clever-sized block house, strong and
stanch, in which our wimen folks and children, with a few men to guard
'em, could hold out a few days, while a handful o' us scoured Paint
hills and the country about, and peppered a few of the cussed red
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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