The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"But they will just about fit you," pleaded the philanthropist.
"That makes it all the more absurd for you to give them to Simeon the
Psalms-man," said Manasseh sternly. "Still, since he is your
clothes-receiver, I could not think of interfering with his office. It
is not etiquette. I am surprised you should ask me if I should mind.
Of course I should mind--I should mind very much."
"But he is not my clothes-receiver," protested Grobstock. "Last
Passover was the first time I gave them to him, because my cousin,
Hyam Rosenstein, who used to have them, has died."
"But surely he considers himself your cousin's heir," said Manasseh.
"He expects all your old clothes henceforth."
"No. I gave him no such promise."
Manasseh hesitated.
"Well, in that case--"
"In that case," repeated Grobstock breathlessly.
"On condition that I am to have the appointment permanently, of
course."
"Of course," echoed Grobstock eagerly.
"Because you see," Manasseh condescended to explain, "it hurts one's
reputation to lose a client."
"Yes, yes, naturally," said Grobstock soothingly. "I quite
understand." Then, feeling himself slipping into future
embarrassments, he added timidly, "Of course they will not always be
so good as the first lot, because--"
"Say no more," Manasseh interrupted reassuringly, "I will come at once
and fetch them."
"No. I will send them," cried Grobstock, horrified afresh.
"I could not dream of permitting it. What! Shall I put you to all that
trouble which should rightly be mine? I will go at once--the matter
shall be settled without delay, I promise you; as it is written, 'I
made haste and delayed not!' Follow me!" Grobstock suppressed a groan.
Here had all his manoeuvring landed him in a worse plight than ever.
He would have to present Manasseh to the livery servant without even
that clean face which might not unreasonably have been expected for
the Sabbath. Despite the text quoted by the erudite _Schnorrer_, he
strove to put off the evil hour.
"Had you not better take the salmon home to your wife first?" said he.
"My duty is to enable you to complete your good deed at once. My wife
is unaware of the salmon. She is in no suspense."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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