The hours had passed magically. It was he who had risen first. He was
afraid of the woman, afraid as he had never been before, of some
intrinsic lacking of his own. He felt at times that his own presence
had nothing to do with her ideal—that she was merely telling her story
as she might have done to some woman companion. Then there were other
moments of personal relation—as if she felt from the first the power she
possessed for him; that she was interested in making it greater; that
she loved the use of her power in his arousing; even that he might be or
become something of this solar being she dreamed of.... Always with her
was the feeling that she was not interpreting herself exactly, some
histrionic weakness—that she was carried away in the ardour of her
impulses; that she acted perfectly the moment, but was not exactly that.
Romney hated the logic of the male mind that persistently brought him
this observation.
They were together the next afternoon at Longstruth’s _Pyramids_ by the
river, a little table in the bamboo clumps with the most famous tea of
the Empire. Two white butterflies were whirling together persistently
near. Moira Kelvin’s eyes followed them dreamily. Romney said:
"They make me think of the States—little common kid-day butterflies. I
don’t know as I ever saw them before in China."
"They are around the world," she answered. "They are always where I am
because I see them. Always two—like bluebirds, and always silent like
bluebirds. I see them and all well-paired things.... Once in Ireland
in the fall of the year I found a cocoon, a very large and different
one. It was on an old lilac tree near the bedroom window where I slept
as a child. The silk was gray brown, a filmy weave like a dress my
mother wore as I first remember. I loved her terribly in that dress—ah,
the moths, I was telling you. I broke the branch and took the cocoon to
the room. Then there was a night in the following June when I happened
to be home for a few days. It was a misty windless evening of endless
twilight. Great purple mists came up and breathed upon the earth and
mated and melted into the holy breath that hung over the grove of copper
beeches.... I am hungry and thirsty to-day, Sir Romney, or I would not
talk like this. Sometimes Nature maddens me....
"But I was telling you of that June night. There was a rustle in the
corner, and I ran from the little room. That house was full of ghosts
to me, and there seemed no love in the world—only loneliness and
twilight—my heart streaming its torrent upward and outward, but seeming
to touch no living thing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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