The Magistrate: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Magistrate: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
Christian names--er--ah--er--Alice Emmeline.
MESSITER.
[_Writing._] Alice Emmeline. Surname?
LUKYN.
Er--um--Fitzgerald--101, Wilton Street, Piccadilly.
MESSITER.
Single lady?
LUKYN.
Quite.
MESSITER.
Very good, sir.
AGATHA POSKET.
[_To LUKYN, tearfully._] Oh, thank you, such a nice address too.
MESSITER.
[_To VALE._] Now, Captain, please--that lady.
VALE.
[_Who has been re-assuring CHARLOTTE._] Haw! ha! this lady
is--ah--um--the other lady's sister.
MESSITER.
Single lady, sir?
VALE.
Certainly.
MESSITER.
[_Writing._] Christian name, Captain?
VALE.
Ah--um--Harriett.
MESSITER.
[_Writing._] Surname.
VALE.
Er--Macnamara.
MESSITER.
[_With a grim smile._] Quite so. Lives with her sister, of course,
sir?
VALE.
Of course.
MESSITER.
Where at, sir?
VALE.
Albert Mansions, Victoria Street.
CHARLOTTE.
[_To VALE._] Oh, thank you, I always fancied that spot.
MESSITER.
Very much obliged, gentlemen,
LUKYN.
[_Who has listened to VALE'S answers in helpless horror._] By George,
well out of it!
[_CHARLOTTE totters across to AGATHA POSKET, who embraces her._
LUKYN.
[_Taking down the overcoats and throwing one to VALE._] Vale, your
coat.
_HARRIS enters._
HARRIS.
[_To MESSITER._] Very sorry, sir; the two other gentlemen got clean
off, through the back scullery door--old hands, to all appearance.
[_MESSITER stamps his foot, with an exclamation._
AGATHA POSKET.
[_To herself._] My boy--saved!
LUKYN.
[_To HARRIS, who stands before the door._] Constable, get out of the
way.
MESSITER.
[_Sharply._] Harris!
HARRIS.
[_Without moving._] Yes, sir.
MESSITER.
You will leave the hotel with these ladies, and not lose sight of them
till you've ascertained what their names _are,_ and where they _do_
live.
LUKYN AND VALE.
What!
AGATHA POSKET AND CHARLOTTE.
Oh!
MESSITER.
Your own fault, gentlemen; it's my duty.
LUKYN.
And it is _my_ duty to save these helpless women from the protecting
laws of my confounded country! Vale!
VALE.
[_Putting his coat on the sofa._] Active!
LUKYN.
[_To HARRIS._] Let these ladies pass! [_He takes HARRIS by the collar
and flings him over to VALE, who throws him over towards the ladies,
who push him away. MESSITER puts a whistle to his mouth and blows;
there is an immediate answer from without._] More of your fellows
outside?
MESSITER.
Yes, sir, at your service. Very sorry, gentlemen, but you and your
party are in my custody.
LUKYN AND VALE.
What?
AGATHA POSKET AND CHARLOTTE.
Oh!
MESSITER.
For assaulting this man in the execution of his duty.
LUKYN.
You'll dare to lock us up all night?
MESSITER.
It's one o'clock now, Colonel--you'll come on first thing in the
morning.
LUKYN.
Come on? At what Court?
MESSITER.
Mulberry Street.
AGATHA POSKET.
Ah! The magistrate?
MESSITER.
Mr. Posket, mum.
[_AGATHA POSKET sinks into a chair, CHARLOTTE at her feet; LUKYN,
overcome, falls on VALE'S shoulders._
END OF THE SECOND ACT.
THE THIRD ACT
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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