The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable ComedyJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable Comedy
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Drama
(_The_ DEPUTATION _enters_, _guided by_ SIGSBY. _Its number is five_,
_two men and three women_. _Eventually they group themselves—some
standing_, _some sitting—each side of_ GEOFFREY. _The others gather
round_ ANNYS, _who keeps her seat at the opposite side of the table_.)
SIGSBY. (_Talking as he enters_.) Exactly what I’ve always maintained.
HOPPER. It would make the husband quite an interesting person.
SIGSBY. (_Cheerfully_.) That’s the idea. Here we are, guv’nor. This
is Mr. Chilvers.
(GEOFFREY _bows_, _the_ DEPUTATION _also_. SIGSBY _introduces a
remarkably boyish-looking man_, _dressed in knickerbockers_.)
SIGSBY. This is Mr. Peekin, who has kindly consented to act as
spokesman. (_To the_ DEPUTATION, _generally_.) Will you have some tea?
MISS BORLASSE. (_A thick-set_, _masculine-featured lady_, _with short
hair and heavy eyebrows_. _Her deep_, _decisive tone settles the
question_.) Thank you. We have so little time.
MR. PEEKIN. We propose, Mr. Chilvers, to come to the point at once.
(_He is all smiles_, _caressing gestures_.)
GEOFFREY. Excellent.
PEEKIN. If I left a baby at your door, what would you do with it?
GEOFFREY. (_For a moment he is taken aback_, _recovers himself_.) Are
you thinking of doing so?
PEEKIN. It’s not impossible.
GEOFFREY. Well, it sounds perhaps inhospitable, but do you know I really
think I should ask you to take it away again.
PEEKIN. Yes, but by the time you find it there, I shall have
disappeared—skedaddled.
HOPPER. Good. (_He rubs his hands_. _Smiles at the others_.)
GEOFFREY. In that case I warn you that I shall hand it over to the
police.
PEEKIN. (_He turns to the others_.) I don’t myself see what else Mr.
Chilvers could be expected to do.
MISS BORLASSE. He’d be a fool not to.
GEOFFREY. Thank you. So far we seem to be in agreement. And now may I
ask to what all this is leading?
PEEKIN. (_He changes from the debonnair to the dramatic_.) How many
men, Mr. Chilvers, leave their babies every year at the door of
poverty-stricken women? What are they expected to do with them?
(_A moment_. _The_ DEPUTATION _murmur approval_.)
GEOFFREY. I see. But is there no difference between the two doors? I
am not an accomplice.
PEEKIN. An accomplice! Is the ignorant servant-girl—first lured into
the public-house, cajoled, tricked, deceived by false promises—the
half-starved shop-girl in the hands of the practised libertine—is she an
accomplice?
MRS. PEEKIN. (_A dowdily-dressed_, _untidy woman_, _but the face is
sweet and tender_.) Ah, Mr. Chilvers, if you could only hear the stories
that I have heard from dying lips.
GEOFFREY. Very pitiful, my dear lady. And, alas, only too old. But
there are others. It would not be fair to blame always the man.
ANNYS. (_Unnoticed_, _drawn by the subject_, _she has risen and come
down_.) Perhaps not. But the punishment always falls on the woman. Is
_that_ quite fair?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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