The Memoirs of a Failure: with an Account of the Man and His Manuscript — John Shaqi
The Memoirs of a Failure: with an Account of the Man and His ManuscriptKittredge, Daniel Wright
Science
The Memoirs of a Failure: with an Account of the Man and His Manuscript
Kittredge, Daniel Wright
Failure (Psychology) -- Fiction; Harvard University -- Fiction; University of Virginia -- Fiction
“Here is another of your ilk, only he was poor, and had more excuse.
See his fingers, smeared with ink. See his nervous eye, dodging us
lest we read his secret. He has a little money now; he can buy food
and raiment, yet even when he is physically most at ease, he is still
uncomfortable. He wrote what he did not want to write. He wrote what
he did not believe. He had to please or starve, so he pleased. Ah, sir,
I do not want to examine you, for you know yourself. I knew your twin
brother once, years ago, he had genius, whereas you have talent. Why
did he cut his throat?
“Who is that pompous one over there? Let him step forward. He looks
the part of self-made success. He comes nigh to the World’s Conception
of Complete Rapture, only he speaks fairly bad grammar. He is the
practical ideal of the present-day American, industrious, self-reliant,
not embarrassed by his past, confident in his contempt for others--we
almost hear the conquering music as he advances. But do we know him?
Let him come closer. You struggled all your youth and manhood and
middle life, did you not? He nods. You slaved for your children and
for your children’s children, to perpetuate your name above want and
in respectability. Ah yes, I think I know you. Your children? They are
not what you willed them to be. He hung his head. And sadder than that,
you imagined that you outgrew the wife of your struggles. You may take
your stand under the Banner of Success for Others; it is just ahead of
the Banner of Success. The band plays a little sweetly for you, but it
does not thrill you. The zest is gone.”
Charity, charity, I pray God for charity toward the Other’s Self and
toward myself. Charity!
For, sirs, I, too, have had Macbeth’s vaulting ambition which o’erlept
itself. I, too, have horsed the clouds with Kaiser Peer Gynt, and
ridden under the stars. Ozymandias, king of kings, never looked upon
grander works than those on my demense. And I have dropped from poetry
into fact. I have sailed the sea and cried, “Fear not. You carry
Caesar!”
Macbeth became a murderer; Peer Gynt something worse. Ozymandias has
been forgotten; and we know not where Julius Caesar lies.
On such a night as this, the heavens seem aglow with brilliants. Stars,
moons, planets, suns, worlds--how many of you are inhabited as ours
is? Or do you reckon at all of such atoms as men and women? You have
shone upon a mighty host of leaders and their followers. You shine
indifferently upon our passing shows and remain to shine when we are
gone, mocking our longest efforts. Ah, how does that Eternity of the
Past outdo the little Eternity of the Future of which poor man has
dreamed!
Tell us, Moon, did the mastodons shed their heavy hair when the ice
receded? And did the Aztecs have a written alphabet?
Was Helen of Troy sweet to look upon? Or was she bold and brazen?
Was Shakespeare a drunkard? And did he consider Marlowe a failure?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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