The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
[_To MAUD, in a low voice, witheringly._] Oh, you're doing something,
are you?
MAUD.
[_In the same tone, passing GLADYS._] Yes, setting you an example, my
girl. [_Encountering FARNCOMBE._] Beg pardon.
[_MAUD withdraws, closing the door, and FARNCOMBE stands looking at
LILY, who is talking to JIMMIE. GLADYS carries the tray to the
tea-table._
LILY.
[_Become aware of FARNCOMBE'S presence and nodding to him._] How d'ye
do?
FARNCOMBE.
[_Moving a step or two towards her._] I-- I've been here before this
afternoon. I ventured to bring you some flowers.
LILY.
[_Going to him and shaking hands with him formally._] Nobody told me.
Awfully kind of you. Where have they put them?
FARNCOMBE.
[_Lifting his basket of flowers from off the piano and showing it to
her._] Here.
LILY.
Pretty. [_Pulling out a carnation._] Stick it up there again. [_He
replaces the basket._] You're Lord Farncombe, aren't you?
FARNCOMBE.
Yes.
LILY.
[_With a glance at the others._] Know anybody here?
FARNCOMBE.
[_Looking round the room._] Nearly everybody, I fancy. [_He advances
to VON RETTENMAYER, who comes to meet him. LILY sits upon the settee
by the piano and fastens the carnation in her dress. GLADYS goes
out._] Karl----!
VON RETTENMAYER.
My dear Eddie!
FARNCOMBE.
[_Bowing to DE CASTRO, who is now seated beside JIMMIE on the settee
in front of the writing-table._] How are you, Mr. de Castro? [_To
JEYES, who is standing by the chair at the writing-table gnawing his
moustache and watching LILY and FARNCOMBE sourly._] How are you,
Captain Jeyes? [_Turning to BLAND._] How are you, Mr. Bland? [_To
LILY._] I've been talking to Mrs. Upjohn and Mr. Roper already.
LILY.
[_Looking across to JIMMIE._] Miss Birch-- Lord Farncombe.
JIMMIE.
[_Nodding to FARNCOMBE._] How d'ye do?
FARNCOMBE.
[_Going to JIMMIE and shaking hands with her._] I-- I needn't say that
I am one of Miss Birch's warmest-- most profound----
JIMMIE.
[_Smiling at him._] That's all right; don't you bother about that.
[_MAUD returns, carrying a pair of silken slippers. VON RETTENMAYER,
who has come to LILY, makes a dart at the slippers and takes them from
MAUD._
VON RETTENMAYER.
Aha! Permid me.
MAUD.
Now, Baron----! [_Slapping his arm._] Ha, ha, ha----!
[_He pushes MAUD out of the room, she resisting laughingly, and closes
the door._
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_Holding the slippers aloft._] Gendlemen! Homage to Beaudy! Vollow
me! Zam! Vinzent! Rober! Neego! Eddie! [_The men put themselves behind
him, in single file, in the order in which he calls them, with the
exception of JEYES, who deliberately sits at the writing-table, and
FARNCOMBE, who is embarrassed. JIMMIE claps her hands and MRS. UPJOHN,
who is pouring out tea, laughs herself into a fit of coughing._] Ta,
ta, ra, ra, ta, ta! Boum, boum!
LILY.
Baron, you great baby!
VON RETTENMAYER.
Quig! Marge!
ROPER.
[_Calling to FARNCOMBE._] Come along, Farncombe!
JIMMIE.
[_Giving FARNCOMBE a shove._] Go on!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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