As Jerry promised, the Ambassador didn't have to issue an official
denial. His chief public relations man quite truthfully admitted
to reporters that the Ambassador had no Matter Repositor in his
possession, a dispatch carried by all wire services, and snickered at
by clever columnists.
In basements and garages, persons of good, bad, and indifferent
mechanical ability strove to earn the million. The U.S. patent office
was inundated with models and drawings of unworkable devices. One of
the Duke University subjects tried to patent his ability to influence
the fall of dice mentally.
During the next session of the Congress, Jerry's crack lobbyists raised
a great howl about the shameful congestion in the Patent Office, not
mentioning, of course, that they were employed by the man who had
created the congestion, by offering a million dollars for a device he
knew no Earthman could build.
Another dummy organization, dubbed the Inventors Protective League,
sponsored a bill to amend the act relating to perpetual motion
machines. It passed, with an emergency clause, and, thereafter, devices
purporting to reposit matter were not entitled to letters of patent.
This just about clinched the deal, for the vast majority of people,
who had never watched laws enacted, assumed that if something was in
the law, there must be a good reason for it, unless, of course, it was
anything like prohibition.
A name band revived "The Thing," leaving the drumbeats out of the vocal
refrain, and substituting, "Get out of here with that Matter Repositor,
before I call a cop!" Within six months, radio and TV comedians had
worn out the joke. Even Goofy, My Friend Irma, Mrs. Ace, and Gracie
Allen were too sophisticated to believe in Matter Repositors. Gags
about them dropped to the same low level as those about Brooklyn and
joke-stealing comics.
Although his appearance in public was liable to start boos and
catcalls, the Ambassador from Outer Space was duly grateful. He was
spared the painful necessity of reporting his disastrous slip of the
tongue to his government, for Earth economy was again on the upward
spiral. Everybody was spending the money he'd been saving up for a
Matter Repositor.
The Ambassador cheerfully paid the million-a-month retainer and the
whopping space bills, but Jerry's greatest gain in the transaction was
his agreement allowing him to run advertising in the Federated Planets
information bulletins. The space didn't cost him a nickel. Yet he knew
how to sell his exclusive rights to it for more money than any one
Earth company had in its promotional budget.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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