The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four ActsSinclair, Upton
General
The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four Acts
Sinclair, Upton
Comedy plays
_Bob._ Well, I've done what he's doing. I've done it for a year. And
I survived.
_Jessie._ But you knew how, Bob.
_Bob._ I didn't when I started.
_Jessie._ It snowed last night; I lay awake till daybreak worrying
about him.
_Bob._ My dear girl, men have got snow on their clothes before this.
_Jessie._ He's been gone a month!
_Bob._ Listen, Jessie! You know there's misery and suffering in the
world, don't you?
_Jessie._ Yes, I suppose so.
_Bob._ And could you wish Jack to live all his life in indifference
to such things--just idle and play, and spend the wealth that other
people produce for him?
_Jessie. (Clenching her hands.)_ Oh, if he'd only come home! _(The
telephone rings.)_
_Bob._ I'll answer it. _(Goes to phone.)_ Hello. _(A pause; then
exclaims.)_ Why, what's happened? _(Another pause; he turns to
Jessie.)_ It's Jack!
_Jessie (leaps up.)_ Jack!
_Bob._ Ssh. _(In phone.)_ Yes, what's that? What's the matter? Well,
I declare! Sure, Jessie's here. Yes, Dad's upstairs. No, I won't
tell him. Perhaps he won't. Hey? In two minutes? All right! Bye-bye!
_(Turns.)_ He's coming home!
_Jessie._ Bob!
_Bob._ He's around at the subway station. He'll be here in two
minutes.
_Jessie._ But what's happened?
_Bob._ He wouldn't say. Just says he gives up--he's coming home.
_Jessie._ Thank Heaven! _(A pause.)_ But Bob! What can it mean?
_Bob._ It means he's lost his wager.
_Jessie._ I don't care! He's coming home! Jack! Jack! _(She dances
and claps her hands.)_ Oh, I'm so happy! So happy! _(The light
begins to rise on the Real-play-enough to reveal Bill getting up
from the cot. He looks about guiltily, climbs up to a shelf after a
bowl. There is a crash. Instantly the Play-play vanishes.)_
_Will. (Starting.)_ What's that?
_Peggy. (Leaps up and runs Right.)_ Bill!
_Bill._ Boo-hoo-hoo!
_Peggy._ What's the matter?
_Bill._ I didn't go to do it!
_Peggy._ But what--
_Will._ Didn't you know we were busy?
_Bill._ I-I was hungry!
_Peggy._ Poor Bill! Never mind, dear! _(Clasps him in her arms.)_
There was nothing in the bowl.
_Bill._ I th-thought there might b-b-be.
_Peggy._ Never mind! Poor little fellow! He was hungry!
_Bill._ I couldn't sleep, Peggy.
_Peggy._ All right, never mind. We won't scold you. It doesn't
matter about the old bowl--we've got nothing to put in it anyway.
Now, don't cry--you'll get yourself all excited. _(Sound of singing
heard off Right.)_
_Bill._ Oh! There's the Beggar-kid! _(Runs to window.)_ Say, Peggy!
Can't I go down and listen to him? I won't go off the steps, and I
won't talk to anybody.
_Peggy._ You're sure you feel well enough?
_Bill._ I'll feel better, Peggy. Please! Please!
_Peggy._ You'll truly not go off the steps?
_Bill._ Word of honor, Peggy!
_Peggy._ All right, then.
_Bill._ Hooray! Now, I'll get the roses in my cheeks! _(exit at door
Left; Peggy closes window and sound of singing stops)._
_Peggy._ It's a crime that child isn't in the country!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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