Humorous stories, English; Men -- Societies and clubs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
‘The method of challenging will be by raising one hand, when the
chairman will temporarily arrest proceedings and investigate. Where
several members raise their hands simultaneously, all will score the
detection, or be penalised for the failure, as the case may be.
Otherwise, only the first hand up can score or be penalised.
‘A quotation must consist of more than four words, or it will not rank
as a quotation. The words must be given in their correct order, but
otherwise any attempt may be made to disguise the quotation. Any
member who has made an undetected quotation should notify it to the
chairman at the earliest opportunity, while it is still fresh in the
memory.
‘Detection, to be valid, should be made immediately—say, within twenty
seconds of the utterance of the quotation.
‘The chairman will stop the competition when in his opinion all
members have had a fair and full chance of speaking, and on all
disputed points his ruling is absolute.’
‘Yes,’ said the chairman, when he had read out the above, ‘our new
problem-setter, the mysterious editor of _The Pig-Keepers’ Friend_,
seems to be rather a lengthy beggar. More like a round game than a
problem, to my mind. I can imagine literary circles playing it on
winter evenings. However, I think we’ve most of us got the hang of it.
There’s double the usual amount of boodle in the jack-pot, but all the
same I’m not sorry to be debarred from competing. I had a good deal of
Shakespeare boosted into me by schoolmasters when I was a boy, but I
fear that it ain’t stuck to me. Well, it’s all up to the high-brows
to-night. And I’ll call on our old friend Leonard, who’s our new
member, Lord Herngill, to start the ball rolling, and our padre to
keep the score as directed.’
‘Well,’ said Leonard, ‘I can’t say that I am a stranger here, but I am
certainly a new member, and very glad to be. Now, I told you that I
was a poet, but a writer of poetry is not necessarily a reader of
poetry. I can’t say whether he ought to be or not.’ He paused to
relight a cigarette. ‘To be candid——’
‘I challenge,’ said Mr Cunliffe, with uplifted hand. ‘The quotation
is, “To be or not to be,” rather cunningly broken up.’
‘Admitted,’ said Leonard.
‘Then,’ said the chairman, ‘the secretary will score one to himself.’
‘At the same time,’ said Leonard, ‘I should like him to score two to
me. The words, “I am a stranger here,” are a quotation from _King
Richard II._, Act 2, Scene iii. Northumberland speaks them. And the
quotation was not recognised.’
This was verified and found correct and the score allowed. The
chairman turned to the Hon. James Feldane, who was sitting—or, to be
accurate, reclining—in the chair next to Leonard. ‘Go ahead, Jimmy,’
he said.
‘Very well,’ said Jimmy wearily. ‘The—er—the quality of mercy——’
Five hands went into the air together.
‘Jimmy,’ said the chairman, ‘it looks as if you were pretty
considerably challenged—by five simultaneously. You, Major Byles,
being one of them, will tell us why.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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