"I didn't know there was a woman in the world like you," Ward said
irrelevantly and looked into the fire. "I thought women were just soft
things a man had to take care of and carry along through life, a dead
weight when they weren't worse. I never knew a woman could be a
friend--the kind of friend a man can be." He threw his cigarette into
the fire and watched the paper shrivel swiftly and the tobacco turn
into a thin, blue smoke-spiral.
"Life's a queer thing," he said, taking a different angle. "I started
out with big notions about the things I'd do. Maybe I started wrong,
but for a kid with nobody to point the trail for him, I don't think I
did so worse--till old Dame Fortune spotted me in the crowd and
proceeded to use me for a football." He leaned an elbow on one knee
and stared hard at a burning brand that was getting ready to fall and
send up a stream of sparks. Then he turned his head quite unexpectedly
and looked at Billy Louise. "What was it you read?" he asked abruptly.
"I--don't like to--say it," she whispered unsteadily.
"Well, you needn't. I'll say it for you, when I come to it. There's a
lot before that."
Ward Warren had never before opened his soul to any human; not
completely. Perhaps, sitting that evening in the deepening dusk, with
the firelight lighting swiftly the brooding face of the girl and
afterward veiling it softly with shadows, perhaps even then there were
desolate places in his life which his words did not touch. But so much
as a man may put into words, Ward told her; more, a great deal more,
than he would ever tell to any other woman as long as he lived. More
perhaps than he would ever tell to any man. And in it all there was no
word of love. It was of what lay behind him that he talked. The low,
even murmur of his voice was broken by long, brooding silences, when
the two stared into the shifting flames and saw there the things his
words had conjured. Sometimes the eyes of Billy Louise were soft with
sympathy. Sometimes they were wide and held the light of horror.
Once, with a small sob that had no tears, she reached out and clutched
his arm. "Oh, don't!" she gasped. "Don't go on telling--I--I can't
bear to listen to that!"
"It isn't nice for a woman to listen to, I guess," Ward gritted. "I
know it was hell to stand, but--" He was silent so long after that,
and his eyes grew so intent and so somber while he stared, that Billy
Louise pulled at his sleeve to recall him.
"Skip that part and tell me--"
Ward took up the story and told her much; more than she had ever
dreamed could be. I can't repeat any of it; what he said was for Billy
Louise to know and none other.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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