The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts — John Shaqi
The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
[_Referring to the letter._] Ah, "Rovers' Club"! [_Addressing the
telegram._] "John Mallory, Rover's Club." Let me see--that's in Green
Street, Piccadilly. [_Writing._] "Green Street, Piccadilly." Or am I
thinking of the "Stragglers'"? I've a Club list upstairs--I'll go and
look at it. [_Humming an air, he shuts up the telegraph form in the
blotting-book, and rises, still with his back to Peggy._] I feel so
happy! [_He goes out._]
PEGGY.
[_Advances to the blotting-book, carrying some luggage labels._] Miss
Dyott has sent me to address her luggage labels. I am compelled to open
that blotting-book. [_She sits on the chair lately vacated by Queckett,
and opens the blotting-book mischievously with her forefinger and
thumb. Seeing the telegraph form._] Ah! [_Reading it greedily, with
exclamations._] Oh! "Dear old boy!" Oh! "Diggings of humble bachelor!"
Oh! "Bring two or three good fellows!" Oh-oh! [_Sticking the telegraph
form prominently against the stationery cabinet, facing her, and
addressing a luggage label._] "Miss Dyott, passenger to Hereford."
QUECKETT.
[_Re-entering gaily._] It is in Green Street, Piccadilly.
[_He sees Peggy, and stands perplexed, twisting his little moustache._]
PEGGY.
[_Writing solemnly._] "Miss Dyott, passenger to Hereford."
QUECKETT.
[_Coughing anxiously._] H'm! I fancy I left an eighty-ton gun--I mean, I
think I've mislaid a--er-----[_Without looking up, Peggy re-adjusts the
telegraph form against the cabinet._] Oh! H'm! That's it. [_He makes
one or two fidgety attempts to take it, when Peggy rises with it in her
hand. She reads it silently, forming the words with her lips._] Oh, you
vexing girl! What do you think of doing about it? [_She commences to
fold the form very neatly._] You know I sha'n't send it. I never meant to
send it. I say, I shall not send it. [_Nervously holding out his
hand._] Shall I? [_Peggy doubles up the form into another fold without
speaking._] You are a vexing girl.
MISS DYOTT.
[_Calling outside._] Miss Hesslerigge! [_Peggy quietly slips the
telegraph form into her pocket._]
QUECKETT.
Oh! You won't tell my wife? You will not _dare_ to tell my wife!
[_Mildly._] Will you?
MISS DYOTT.
[_Calling again._] Miss Hesslerigge!
QUECKETT.
[_In agony._] Oh! [_Between his teeth._] Do you--do you know any bad
language?
PEGGY.
I went to the Lord Mayor's Show once; I heard a little.
QUECKETT.
Then I regret to say I use it to you, Miss Hesslerigge--I use it to you!
[_Miss Dyott enters, carrying Queckett's hat, gloves and overcoat._]
MISS DYOTT.
You can address the labels in another room, Miss Hesslerigge, please.
QUECKETT.
[_To himself._] Will she tell?
PEGGY.
[_To herself._] He is in our power!
[Peggy goes out.]
MISS DYOTT.
[_Putting the hat on Queckett's head._] You look sickly, my Vere.
QUECKETT.
I shall be better after my stroll, Caroline. [_A knock and ring are
heard._]
MISS DYOTT.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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