The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
[_Clasping her hands._] Five! [_There is a distant ring at the bell;
with a little cry Dinah runs out. Peggy begins to put her gloves on.
Ermyntrude and Gwendoline go to the door, open it, and listen._] [_To
Queckett._] Thank you for whistling. I shall never make a "Whistling
woman," shall I?
QUECKETT.
A wide knowledge of humanity, in its highest and lowest grades, Miss
Hesslerigge, does not enable me even to conjecture the possibilities of
your future.
PEGGY.
No compliments, please. Thank you. [_She holds out her gloved hand for
him to button the glove. After a look of astonishment he complies._] You
know my idea about my future, don't you?
QUECKETT.
No.
PEGGY.
That I only need one essential to become a Duchess.
QUECKETT.
What is that?
PEGGY.
A Duke.
GWENDOLINE.
They're coming upstairs!
PEGGY.
[_To Queckett._] Now you'll see Mr. Paulover. Oh, I do hope he'll take
to you!
QUECKETT.
Well, really, I'm--[_He walks angrily away as Dinah enters with
Reginald Paulover, a good-looking lad, rather sheepish when in repose,
but fiery and demonstrative when out of temper. He is in evening dress,
overcoat, and muffler, and wears a respirator, which he removes on
entering._]
DINAH.
[_Introducing the three girls._] Reggie, these are my three dear
friends--Miss Hawkins--Miss Johnson--
REGINALD.
[_Bowing._] Awfully pleased to meet you.
DINAH.
And Miss Hesslerigge.
[_Peggy advances and shakes hands with Reginald._]
REGINALD.
Thank you very much for being so kind to--my wife.
ERMENTRUDE.
[_To Gwendoline, disappointed._] No whiskers or moustache! Oh!
PEGGY.
[_To Reginald._] Had you been waiting long?
REGINALD.
Ten minutes. I was jolly glad to hear my wife's dear little whistle. I
should know it from a thousand.
PEGGY.
H'm! Dinah dear, make Mr. Paulover and Mr. Queckett known to each other.
[_Queckett comes forward with a disagreeable look. Reginald glares at
him._]
DINAH.
[_Timidly._] Reggie dear, this is Mr. Queckett. [_Queckett bows stiffly.
Reginald nods angrily._]
REGINALD.
[_To Dinah._] Dinah, what is a man doing here? You know I can't bear you
to talk to a man.
DINAH.
Oh, Reggie, why are you always so jealous?
PEGGY.
Mr. Queckett is giving the party.
REGINALD.
What party?
PEGGY.
Your wedding party.
REGINALD.
Is he! [_To Queckett, angrily._] I'm much obliged to Mr. Queckett.
PEGGY.
[_Pacifying Reginald._] Mr. Queckett is so nice--he calls himself
Dinah's uncle.
REGINALD.
Does he! Then it's a liberty--that's all I can say.
QUECKETT.
Do you know you're in my house, sir?
REGINALD.
I'm not in your house, sir! Come away, Dinah!
PEGGY.
Hush! Mr. Queckett is Miss Dyott's--
QUECKETT.
Be quiet--mind your own buiness.
REGINALD.
[_To Queckett._] At any rate it's my business sir.
QUECKETT.
I'm afraid you're a cub, sir.
REGINALD.
What!
DINAH.
Oh, Reggie, don't! [_A loud knock and ring are heard._]
PEGGY.
[_To Queckett._] Your friend.
REGINALD.
Whose friend?
QUECKETT.
My friend.
REGINALD.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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