The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts — John Shaqi
The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
Do you think Miss Dyott, or Mrs. Queckett, or whatever she is, will send
you home?
PEGGY.
She can't--she's got me for ever. She took me, years ago, for a bad
debt.
MALLORY.
How can she punish you then?
PEGGY.
I think she will withdraw her confidence from me.
MALLORY.
You won't despair, will you?
PEGGY.
I'll try not to.
MALLORY.
What a jolly little sailor's wife you'd make--brewing grog like this.
PEGGY.
I hope I should do my duty in any station of life to which I might be
called.
MALLORY.
I'm a sailor, you know.
PEGGY.
No--are you?
MALLORY.
[_ Taking her hand and putting it to his lips._] You know I am.
PEGGY.
[_Suddenly._] It's going to boil over! [_They jump up quickly, Mallory
retreats._] Oh, no, it isn't. [_Gwendoline and Ermyntrude enter,
leading Reginald, with Saunders following. Reginald is in a deplorable
condition, covered with snow and icicles, his face is white, and his
nose red._] Oh, poor Mr. Paulover!
SAUNDERS.
He's frost-bitten!
PEGGY.
Thaw him by degrees. [_Peggy mixes the grog. Gwendoline and Ermyntrude
lead Reginald to a chair before the fire, he uttering some violent but
incoherent exclamations._]
ERMYNTRUDE.
He's annoyed with Admiral Rankling. [_The girls chafe his hands while he
still mutters, with his eyes rolling._]
PEGGY.
It's a good job his language is frozen. [_Putting the glass of grog to
his lips._]
REGINALD.
[_Reviving._] Thank you. Take my hat off, please--I bought it from
a cabman. [_Gwendoline removes his hat, which is very shabby._] Good
morning! Where's my wife Dinah?
PEGGY.
She's quite safe.
REGINALD.
I must see her--speak to her!
PEGGY.
You can't--she's locked up.
REGINALD.
Then I must push a long letter under her door. She must, she shall,
know that I am going to walk up and down outside this house all my life.
[_Faintly._] Bring writing materials!
MALLORY.
I'll hunt for the pen and ink.
SAUNDERS.
So will I.
REGINALD.
[_To Peggy._] No--no--you do it. These men are bachelors--they can't
feel for me!
MALLORY.
Here's a writing-table. [_Peggy runs to Mallory and opens the lid of the
writing-table. _]
PEGGY.
Note paper and envelopes--where's the--[_opening one of the small
drawers--she starts back with a cry._] Oh! [_They all turn and look at
her._]
ALL.
What's the matter?
PEGGY.
[_Taking from the drawer a large bunch of keys, each with a small label,
which she examines breathlessly._] Duplicate keys of all the rooms in
the house! What gross carelessness--to leave keys in an open drawer!
Girls, why should not we impress this fact upon Admiral Rankling by
releasing Dinah immediately?
GWENDOLINE AND ERMYNTRUDE.
Oh, yes, yes.
REGINALD.
[_Seizing Peggy's hand._] Oh, Miss Hesslerigge, my father-in-law is
entertaining an angel unawares.
MALLORY.
Oh, stop, stop, stop--I don't think we're quite justified--
REGINALD.
[_Scornfully._] Hah, I told you he was merely a bachelor! [_Pointing to
Saunders._] So is his companion. Give me the keys?
PEGGY.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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