The Shriek: A Satirical BurlesqueSomerville, Charles
General
The Shriek: A Satirical Burlesque
Somerville, Charles
Hull, E. M. (Edith Maude). Sheik -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Satire
"By the same Allah," returned the Sheik with a show of spirit, "unless
your business is of prime importance I would not disturb her now. She
is at her daily exercise within and cares never then to be
interrupted."
"Why doesn't she exercise with a horse?"
"Idiot, forbear lest she overhear. Besides, it's not that sort of
exercise at all. For three hours each morning she now spends her time
making faces in the looking glass. For what purpose when I ask her of
it, she orders me back into the open as being none of my Oriental
damned business. What's in the bags?"
"Letters--letters--thousands--all for her."
"Yet, by Allah, it is not Valentine's day."
"True."
"No, but by Allah, it's near the first month. I wonder what bills
she's been running up!" faltered the Sheik.
Now the letters--there is no use keeping a person's readers
waiting--were in reality, in response to an advertisement she had
secretly placed in several theatrical newspapers. It had read:
"Famous Lost Lady on Sahara Open for Moving Picture Engagement.
No triflers. Address P. Oasis Box No. 17 via Orange."
The messenger was now bearing to Mrs. The Sheik Amut Ben Butler thirty
thousand and forty-six communications from all the choicest open-air
murder colonies in the country.
But true enterprise, real enterprise, enterprise in the magnificent,
was incarnated in the person of the celebrated Mr. Cyril Gristmille
for on that very instant he descended grandly in person in an
aeroplane. Slightly on his ear but soon readjusted himself. He had
faced this small accident without turning a hair. He hadn't any.
"See here," cried the Sheik Amut, "what the hellah do you mean by
swooping down this way on these grounds? Don't you see what you've
done? You've scared the horses and camels and scattered them all over
the desert! And, may Allah's curses crack your skull, you've knocked
down the week's wash and if you knew my wife----"
Mr. Gristmille gracefully drew a slender cigarette case from a lower
waistcoat pocket--yep, he had the habit too--and said:
"Well, then, don't stand there like a fathead looking at them run
away, my man. You and your other ragbags get busy and catch 'em again.
I may need 'em shortly."
"Need 'em? What do you want?"
"My business is not with you. But unless I am improperly informed this
tent harbors the famous lost English desert girl, Miss Verbeena
Mayonnaise?"
"That was," said Sheik Amut sticking up his nose at this haughty
stranger. "She's my wife now."
[Illustration: CYRIL GRISTMILLE, THE GREAT WOMAN TAMER.]
"Go in the tent then and tell her to come out to me--Mr. Cyril
Gristmille--immediately. I would do business with her."
"You would?"
"Hasten. Go right in and tell her to come out promptly."
"Go in and tell her yourself," said Amut. "I'm tired trying to tell
her to do anything."
"Very well," said Mr. Gristmille and stalked toward the main tent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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