The Shriek: A Satirical BurlesqueSomerville, Charles
General
The Shriek: A Satirical Burlesque
Somerville, Charles
Hull, E. M. (Edith Maude). Sheik -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Satire
Sheik Amut and Spaghetti who was being given another trial by Verbeena
after his complete surrender of his garlic supply, and the Sheik's
other two pals, Yusef and Hamandaigs, looked one another keenly in the
eyes and began openly holding their ribs.
But to their surprise no pistol reports or manly howls for help arose
from within the tent.
Instead the elegant, pallid-faced Mr. Gristmille who had changed from
his aeroplane cap into a high hat before entering the tent--instead
then of Mr. Gristmille emerging with a scimitar wrapped around his
neck or his hat jammed down over his eyes--instead of this, O, Allah,
his haughty intrusion into the tent of the doughty little Sheik tamer
passed off in most perfect quiet and presently--hands up to Allah
again!--he emerged with Verbeena--with Verbeena!--why they hardly
recognized her! the way she was acting!
Her sturdy, cocky boyish nonchalance was gone, no longer did she
swagger and scowl, the little roughneck. Instead she had become as
feminine as a powder puff!
A mincing, smiling, trusting-eyed little red-headed dear!
She was looking up into the cameo profile of the illustrious and
bill-postered countenance of Cyril Gristmille as one might gaze into
the eye of a golden idol or a $10,000,000 check.
Every little trick of ingenuous girlhood was in everything that little
Verbeena did and the wondering Amut, Spaghetti and Hulda and Yusef and
Hamandaigs ran around telling the tribe about it. And they all agreed
they just simply couldn't believe it was Verbeena.
They all said it was if it were some female member of her family.
But had these innocents ever seen Mary Pickford they would have known
where Verbeena was getting her stuff. Little did they know she'd been
practicing up on it this many a day.
And the while in accents as honeyed as her glances she was saying:
"O, Mister--Mister Gristmille, it has been so good of you to come!
With all that money!
"And do you really think you can make an actress of me? Really?"
"I?--Why I," said Mr. Cyril Gristmille, "could make an actress of a
doughboy to say nothing of so perfect a little gentleman as you."
"How adorable! What do I do first?"
"The first thing you do," he said, and suddenly took her by the
shoulder and shook her thoroughly, "is to understand that you do every
little damn thing I tell you without making any fuss or faces about
it. Do you get me?"
He shook her again till her curls rattled.
Verbeena listened breathlessly and breathless isn't much of a word for
it. Her heart wobbled.
"You are always to remember _I_--_I_ am boss.
"And don't you try to carry out any notions of your own while you are
acting around me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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