The Shriek: A Satirical BurlesqueSomerville, Charles
General
The Shriek: A Satirical Burlesque
Somerville, Charles
Hull, E. M. (Edith Maude). Sheik -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Satire
"You are to look, walk, talk, eat, weep, whimper, smile, sob, stalk,
twirl, mince, mope, wriggle, squirm, turn, stand, run, race, limp,
love, lallygag, or any old other darn thing I mention and demand just
as you hear me give the orders to do it or I'll take you and your
movie aspirations and bury them for once and all ten thousand feet
deep right in here in the sands of the Sahara!
"Once again," he fixed her with his piercing eye, "I ask--do you get
me?"
What Verbeena got was very hot under her boyish Eton collar and meant
to answer him scornfully but she felt her heart beating as if it meant
to beat it altogether.
However, the Movie Maharajah was not paying the slightest attention to
how she took it at all. He was giving his attention to a flock of
camera men, actors and such like arriving in 2,000 aeroplanes that
left for the Sahara that morning from Los Angeles.
She could not fight down the thrill that came at the study she then
began somewhat surreptitiously to make of the commanding figure of the
Movie Monarch among his men. The way he talked to them was a shame.
The way they took it, cringing, cowering, fawning yet with adoration
in their eyes, was a wonder.
He seemed suddenly to remember her.
"What are you standing there goofing for and staring that way at me?
Don't you know that you are to be a girl in the first reel?"
"I--I," hot shame mantled Verbeena's cheek. Why was it she did not
step straight forward and punch him in the nose? But somehow, he made
her so acutely conscious of her sex, or, rather, of what sex he wanted
of her.
"You are to be a girl in this first reel I tell you. Get back into
your tent and take that football suit off and put on something close,
clinging, and when you get it on work up a good, hippy walk--hippy and
a bit slouchy. Go on instantly, and get _him_ off and put _her_ on."
The man was simply terrible. With dragging feet she retreated to her
tent and for the boy's clothes that somehow made her feel good and
tough and ready to take chances with both hands, she submergedly
substituted a frock that she was fiercely angry with herself to find
herself, indubitably she herself, hoping would please him.
And it didn't--no chance.
Not with that movie mahout.
"In the name of all that's horrible!" he cried at her. "Is that the
best thing you've got to offer in clothes? It doesn't fit you--it
flops! Here--that skirt wants shortening and it wants tightening too,
and you can only see the half of the small of your back. Away with
that flock of rags! Got any others--in heaven's name, answer!"
"Yes--yes, sir."
"Go in and put another one on then and for the love of Pete, try to
pick something that looks like something above a dollar ninety-eight
on a bargain counter. Take that off--quick! Must I be your dressmaker
as well as your director?"
"O, sir," sobbed Verbeena Mayonnaise.
"And hurry up about it," came his slow but icy tones as she hurried
tentwards to hurry up just as fast as she hasten well could.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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