The Shriek: A Satirical BurlesqueSomerville, Charles
General
The Shriek: A Satirical Burlesque
Somerville, Charles
Hull, E. M. (Edith Maude). Sheik -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Satire
"Let's see," he conceded on his second sight of her, "that's awful as
the other but--O well--come here then--here is him whom is to be your
leading man in this heart-stirring and world-thrilling romance of my
forthcoming creation. He is to be your leading man, but I will attend
in all respects as to where he will lead you."
Verbeena saw as she was introduced to this young man that he was
exquisitely handsome, his face only saved from effeminacy by a firm
chin. He was tall, lithe, slender as a wand. Although she had never
been introduced to him before she recognized him instantly for it was
Fatty Arbuckle!
CHAPTER XIII
The Mighty Gristmille gave her no time to recover but plunged right
ahead with his ethological processes concerning herself.
"The story of this picture which I am about to make in order that it
may ring down the ages is soul-grasping and spirit stirring," said the
director to Verbeena in a greatly animated manner, "and that's all you
need to know about it in order to know about what you are doing. In
fact, there's no particular reason that you should know what you are
doing. But," he grasped her chin sharply and threw her head back with
an artistic touch that jarred her teeth, "it is important that you do
what I say. And don't you try to do anything else unless you are
ambitious to end your life as a canned chicken."
"But----" stammered Verbeena who was beginning to suspect deep down
after all she perhaps was really a girl.
"But nothing--and throw away that cigarette butt too. I'm not against
cigarettes. All heroes and vamps smoke yards of 'em on orders. But in
this scene you're a sweet thing--just a sweet thing--though God knows
if I'll be able to prove it to the camera eye or anybody else.
"Here--take this rose--smell it."
"It doesn't smell at all," said Verbeena.
"They don't when made of paper," said the great Gristmille. And for
some reason she saw that he suddenly gently smiled. He regarded
Verbeena with a new light in his eye--one nearly of approval. "Just
about the right intelligence," he was murmuring to himself, "out of
which to mold a great star. I'll show Dave Belasco where he stands
yet."
But his terrifying eyes blazed anew at Verbeena Mayonnaise.
"Now--here don't hold that flower like it was a flagpole
in a Suffragette parade! Turn your wrist a bit, give a flaunting
yet a timorous grace to it and now you step over--lots of
hip work-hip-hip-hippy--O, for God's sake, hippy! The boyish
beauty's off the map in the scene--hip work now--hip
work--rotten--rotten--rotten--hip work, hip, hip, hippy--and you give
the flower to our hero."
"Why am I giving him the flower?"
"None of your damned business! Give it to him--that's all you have to
do. I'm doing all the knowing why for this outfit.
"Heaven save the day, I didn't tell you to hit him with it! Give it to
him--timidly--timidly--you are afraid of him."
There was just a flash of the old dear, boyish Verbeena.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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