The Shriek: A Satirical BurlesqueSomerville, Charles
General
The Shriek: A Satirical Burlesque
Somerville, Charles
Hull, E. M. (Edith Maude). Sheik -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Satire
"I don't care who he is, I'm not afraid of him," she declared stoutly.
"Is that so?" said the director severely. "But remember you are afraid
of _me_! And don't try to tell me you are not!"
"I----"
"Don't ever open your mouth like that when speaking! You are a
heroine--not a walrus! Now then--the tender scene--giving the flower
to Rinaldo--shush, I didn't mean to let that much out as to the story
but--well, you might as well know right now that the hero is Rinaldo
Ringrose--that's Mr. Arbuckle's name in the picture.
"Now then, advance--hip, hip, hip--that's better--a little
better--except that you still look like a boy in skirts, one of those
damn pretty ones and a damn silly one at that."
Verbeena gasped. Through her thick lashes she regarded this man of the
gyratory wealth of gestures whose dominating spirit it was manifest
was to be seen. She feared--began to fear--almost started to be afraid
that the Verbeena of old was dead or nearly corpsical. Her old doughty
self, she grovelingly began to consider, was starting to decline. Her
fighting stamina she felt would soon be selling for date seeds on the
Sahara Exchange.
And yet how noble he was!
His manner of using a cigarette case was so much more graceful than
her own.
And he seemed to know everything. Certainly he thought he did.
And all his men gave him such blind obedience. He had a trick of
flashing the sun in their eyes from his cigarette case that probably
caused them to do this, she deducted.
Two days passed before he finally decided she had given the hero the
rose properly. That, doubtless, was why they used artificial roses. A
real one couldn't last out a rehearsal.
But somehow, in the depths of her harrowed, deeply embittered,
astonished young soul, she was humbly glad that at last she had given
the hero the rose properly.
"That's that," said the High Mandarin of the Movies, "and although
worse than bad eggs, in other things you may stand a chance of
realizing my genius for me in the soul-stirring, magnificent,
marvelous, magnitudinous work of art I am on the brink of creating.
Come--come--a little loud and prolonged applause--everybody please. I
thank you.
"The next scene will call for you saying a tender farewell--keep
remembering your sex, madame--with your lover under a tree. An apple
tree in full bloom."
"There aren't apple trees on the desert," Verbeena with simply idiotic
indiscretion observed.
The director flung his hat on the sand, kicked it in the air, ran
around the desert on all fours for a mile, then arose majestically.
"How dare you! Can't you see that under one of those tall palm trees
the shadows wouldn't fall right on the picture? No blossoming apple
trees on the desert, eh? I guess you don't know _me_! Billy, an apple
tree, full blossom!"
The man addressed obeyed swiftly. In a jiffy he had brought one from
the property aeroplane and raised it in place.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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