Mrs. Czepanek, however, who had so long compressed her lips in smothered
shame when the conversation turned upon her husband, began to speak of
his coming back as of an established fact definitely prearranged. More
than that, she who in the course of fifteen years had gradually lost her
youth, her beauty, her ready wit and laughter, everything she had
brought as a marriage dowry to her husband, sinking it, for no reason
at all, in a grey pool of self-reproach and anxiety; she who for many
years had not tried a coloured ribbon on her sunken breast, who had not
troubled to arrange a lock of hair on her forehead, which kept growing
higher and higher--this woman became vain again. Each time she received
her meagre pay she made haste to invest part of it in powder and beauty
creams. In moments of exhaustion, when she could no longer stand on her
feet, she quickly whipped a red stick from her pocket and passed it over
her thin lips. And about eight o'clock every morning she bustled between
the kitchen fire and the sewing machine with a freshly burned wreath of
curls.
In this way she prepared herself for his return. She would receive her
repentant husband in her outstretched arms, bedecked and radiant as a
bride.
For he was bound to return; that was certain. Where else would he find a
comprehending smile like hers, where else the secret soul-harmony which
consoles by silence and compels happiness by prayer, which, with the
dropping of the rosary beads, secretly insinuates dreamy stipulations
with Providence, and dissolves the whole universe into one great minor
harmony of yearning? Where else was there a human being who served as
she did, without malice and without regret, with body and with soul, who
allowed herself to be taken or rejected according to impulse or desire?
Thus she had once welcomed him, a young, blond, laughing, unsuspecting
thing. She had given herself to him without stint and without
questioning; just because he desired it. And she had scarcely felt it as
her right and his atonement, when he led her to the altar at the command
of her father, an honest subordinate in a court of justice. In fact,
Czepanek had been forced into marriage by half the city, which
otherwise would have ostracised the seducer and ousted him from his soft
berth.
Happier she could not be, that she knew. Of the nameless misfortune
bound to come she had not the least presentiment; and when it came she
took it without complaint; she loved him so very much, she regarded it
as the natural indemnity for the unnatural gift of having possessed him.
Yet he would come back in spite of all. Whether he wished to or not, he
would come. She had in her possession a pledge which chained him to her
for all time, and which, sooner or later, must force him to cross her
threshold.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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