The Squire: An Original Comedy in Three Acts — John Shaqi
The Squire: An Original Comedy in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Squire: An Original Comedy in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
{Dormer.} A woman mismanages the White Lion.
{Kate.} _(clapping her hands)_ Christie! _(to Dor.)_
Shan't we hurt the landlady's feelings by sending
food there? _(goes to R., table)_
{Dormer.} _(with enjoyment)_ We shall, _(irritably)_
Now then, you--what's-your-name?--why don't you
come when you're called?
_(Christiana appears at door, wiping her hands on
her apron.)_
{Chris.} _(angrily)_ Who's calling me "what's-your-
name"? _(seeing Dor.)_ Why, parson! _(curtseys at
door)_
{Dormer.} _(rises--shaking his stick at her)_ The
gipsy girl, who won't sing the hymns on Sunday.
{Kate.} You start them in such a high key, parson.
{Chris.} _(curtseying)_ Yes, Squire, that he does.
{Dormer.} _(raising his finger)_ The higher the
key, Madam, the nearer Heaven! _(passes behind
table to L., of it. Chris, laughs)_
{Kate.} Hush, Christie, come here. _(Chris, comes
to Kate c.)_ Fill a basket with everything that is
tempting, fit for an invalid, _(gives key to Christie)_
{Chris.} _(to Dor.)_ For the lady at the White Lion,
parson?
{Dormer.} _(sitting L., of table)_ I'm not here to
feed woman's curiosity.
{Kate.} Run along, Christie.
_(Christie runs up the steps into the house R., C.
Kate crosses softly over to Dor. and stands by
table, R., of it.)_
_(quietly)_ It is not often, Parson Dormer, that you
stoop to ask help of a woman, by all accounts.
{Dormer.} _(without looking at her)_ No!
{Kate.} Don't think me rude--but in Market-Sinfield
the folks call you the Woman-Hater.
{Dormer.} What else do they call me in Market-Sinfield?
{Kate.} I--I--don't know.
{Dormer.} That's not true.
{Kate.} That's not polite.
{Dormer.} What else do they call me in Market-Sinfield?
{Kate.} _(firing up)_ They call you the Mad Parson!
{Dormer.} Ah! The Woman-Hater and the Mad
Parson--contradictory terms, _(moves stool to back
of table and sits)_
{Kate.} You're not mad, Mr. Dormer--but you are
rude.
{Dormer.} How long will that woman take to pack
the basket?
{Kate.} Are you a woman-hater, Mr. Dormer?
{Dormer.} I'm not a woman-lover.
{Kate.} _(leaning her arms on table, and looking at
Dor. timidly)_ Have you always been a woman-hater,
parson?
_(Dormer looks up quickly and turns away.)_
{Dormer.} _(roughly)_ How long will that woman
take to pack that basket?
{Kate.} Not very long, _(the Parson's arm is on
the table; Kate places her hand on his sleeve--very
gently)_ You--you--haven't always been a woman-
hater, parson--have you?
{Dormer.} _(drooping his head)_ No.
{Kate.} Thank you, parson. Was she--pretty?
{Dormer.} I suppose she was.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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