“There is no ‘but,’” said Janet. She was not perhaps quite so much
overcome by grief as her friends would have liked to see her. There is a
very simple standard in this respect which people like to see followed.
They like to see a grief which is overwhelming for the moment, tears
without measure, a sorrow which can take no comfort, all the better if
it makes the mourner ill, and perhaps confines her to bed for a few days
in a shrouded room, without any occupation but that of brooding and
weeping over her loss. And then they expect her to cheer up--not too
quickly, but with a little visible advance every day, an advance which
they can feel to be owing more or less to their own sympathetic kindness
and good offices. Janet had to a certain extent followed this unspoken
rule. She had cried a great deal, though her health had not at all
suffered; but after the funeral she had perhaps too quickly regained her
cheerfulness. When the doctor proposed to her, which was a thing that
happened very soon after, it had been all she could do not to laugh at
the droll idea that anyone should think it possible she would marry a
middle-aged country doctor, she--Janet! She did laugh in the safety of
her own room where nobody could hear her, recalling his look, and all
the peculiarities of his unattractive person and his rough riding dress.
He wanted to save her from the life of a governess by binding her to
him, and his shabby house, and his busy, dry, joyless existence. How
extraordinary, how ludicrous it was that anybody should think it was
better to vegetate than to go out into the world and seek your fortune!
Janet had lived at Clover all her life, and she liked the little place.
The scenes were all so familiar, the people were all friends; but then
she never for a moment supposed that she could be bound to such a
seclusion. It had always been her expectation that one time or another
she was to fling herself forth upon the world.
At the vicarage they were exceedingly tender of the girl who was going
forth upon fate like this. Mrs. Bland made a survey of all her clothes,
and mended some and condemned others with a pathetic tenderness.
“You must have all your linen in order,” she said, “for there is nothing
a girl is so apt to forget. I was in rags myself when my first wedding
outfit wore out before I ever thought of getting a new set of things. A
girl can see when she wants a new frock, but as for her under-things she
always leaves that to her mother.”
“But you forget, Mrs. Bland, I have never had a mother,” said Janet.
“Ah, my poor child! but you were very kindly thought of, Janet, very
kindly.”
“Do you think I meant any reproach to poor Aunt Mary? Oh, no, no! She
liked me to have everything. She liked me to be the best dressed child
in the parish. But as I grew up I saw to it myself. She thought it was
best for me. But I shall always take the most care of the buttons you
have sewed on. Fancy sewing on buttons and seeing after tapes for me!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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